Picnic Flower

I complained last month about not having the sort of "last goodbye" events that you have in high school when you graduate. This morning, I got an email from the honors college about a picnic for upcoming graduates. So maybe I was wrong, maybe there are things going on.
I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm not sure if I want to go. Not because of the event itself, but because of the people. The people I really would like to hang out with aren't graduating seniors in the honors college, so they probably won't be around. And there are potentially people who are going to be there who I don't want to see. Not even people I hate, just people who I've recently fallen out of favor with. What's painful about those people is that I don't hate them, not a little bit, not at all, I really love them, but being around them just makes me sad because of circumstances.
I'm afraid, frankly, of going to this because I don't want to be an awkward wallflower at a picnic. I want to feel like I'm wanted there, at least by someone.
It is times like these where I think "I wish I had a boyfriend." The moment I think that, I always feel terrible. You're supposed to be with people because you love them and they love you, not because they will somehow magically fix problems for you. No one would appreciate feeling like the person they loved was with them because they were lonely, etc. They want to feel wanted for themselves and themselves alone. But at the same time, there are people in my life who always make me feel comfortable and safe and who I want at my side, and in more than just a platonic way. When I start dating again, if I start dating again, I want it to be for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.
Juicebox mentioned to me today that I should enjoy the free food. Maybe that's what I'll try to do Sunday.