Compare and Contrast

I caught Sarah in the caf today.  Basically, I had told Lavvy a couple of days ago that I wanted to help Sarah clean out her place, which, among other things, is getting new carpeting.  I've never been to Sarah's place before, but apparently it is really messy and crammed with stuff. 
Sarah and I talked and I offered to help.  I told her about how a nasty comment Sharon made got me thinking about privilege and caring for other people. 
"Sharon systematically alienates people," Sarah explained. 
"Does she have low level autism?" I asked.  "There's something off about her socializing." 
Sarah considered, then said probably not.  Sarah claimed Sharon was jealous of her. 
I don't know.  I like Sarah, but, but as I imagine myself seeing from Sharon's eyes, there isn't anything about Sarah that I feel would make me jealous. 
At the same time, Sharon says a lot of strange things, often very hurtful to whom she says them to.  I've watched her say some really ugly things to Claire and Ruth, and I myself have been on the end of some of them.  (Elizabeth noted that she had said something stupid things in front of Tamar, which surprises me not at all.) 
Maybe the better way of describing Sharon is to say that Sharon is one of those people who is always comparing her life to your's, and not always making a great secret of it.  I've noticed this in some of my own friends, mostly Ashley but also sometimes Natasha and Laura.  Basically, they make you know that they compare their life to your's.  If they think they are doing better than you, they make sure you know how inferior you are.  If they think you are the one doing better, they are angry and resentful at you, because, clearly, it's your fault and you deserve to be punished.  The truth is that comparing yourself to anyone, no matter who it is and no matter how you react, it's a bad habit, one that leads to other bad habits that leave you either alone or unhappy or both.  Personally, I advise not doing it at all, and catching yourself when your mind wanders to those thoughts. 
I've found concentrating on the positive things in my life is the best way to be happy, or, when things aren't so good, the best way to be happier.  If you're happy with your life or at least making an effort to be, you're really better off.  Comparing always ends the same. 
This might be Sharon's thing.  She isn't happy, but instead of loving the good things in her life and working to fix and appropriately deal with the things that aren't, she sits around comparing.  She wallows in self-pity when she finds herself lacking in comparison with someone and she insults and belittles someone when she doesn't.  She alienates people by being mean and then feels bad about herself for losing another friend.
Sarah also mentioned that she thinks Sharon might be gay.  I could see that, though Sharon once mentioned an ex-boyfriend.  Sharon's been alone for a while, and maybe that's a problem too.  With a lot of the people who I note do this comparing thing, there tends to be a fair amount of loneliness in their lives.  The only exception is Laura, but I'm not sure if she's just not lonely or if she's just hiding it from me.  (Ashley and Natasha give off loneliness vibes, Ashley does it a lot more than the average person.) 
Anyway, it's something I'm going to be thinking about, especially as I observe Sharon. 
Sarah also mentioned that she gets along with everyone, which I kind of true.  There are a lot of people who I think she really just tolerates and they tolerate her back. 

Talk is Cheap

Talk radio is generally one of those things that I don't have a lot of patience with.  I hated eating in the cafeteria in the morning and listening to one angry man carry on about hair arm pit lesbians in Ann Arbor and how people just "don't get it."  At one point, about three years ago, I considered calling in and agreeing with everything he said and then adding "And you know, that's the same reason why I think I should be allowed to eat babies."  And then prattling on with some completely bogus idea about baby eating, and thus making him look completely ridiculous.  I would inevitably get cut off, sure, but the idea's stayed with me. 
I was in the car with Ashley, which was probably the first mistake.  No, on second thought, the first mistake was being up so early.  The second mistake was being in that car. 
But we were listening to another one of these heinous programs.  This one was all about the misogyny, and it made me sick.  A bunch of (mostly, but not all) men.  They were infatuated with the idea of the penis, saying it a lot.  All this worship of a sexual organ, one that is valued above another sexual organ, one that is gendered differently.  Oh goodie, I thought.  I'm so glad I got up for this. 
And then some woman called in with a story about some lesser-known sexual act that her boyfriend wanted to do, and this prompted a whole slew of carrying on about how this act, no matter if it was consensual, was automatically bad.  No one who called to comment or was hosting the show could stop from laughing nervously.  We get it people: you're afraid of sex.  Especially something where a woman is dominating a man. 
Ashley felt the need to ask me how I felt, and, God, I wish she wouldn't, because I was already smart enough to know we weren't going to agree.  I told her how I felt, that it wasn't that big of a deal, it wasn't really that strange, and that making something forbidden often just made it more desirable. 
She said how much she disapproved on this act.  Ashley disapproves of anything that people do that she wouldn't, and I think she is so judgemental and ridiculous.  I don't pretend for a moment that I should be running every aspect of everyone's life; I don't even have time for all the things I want to do with my life. 
"Maybe I'm a prude," she said at one point.  It was the most honest thing I heard that whole morning. 

Last Day of Classes or, A Muppet Version of The Divine Comedy

Zut alors. Today was my last day of classes. I was kind of wondering if something of note was going to happen, but nothing really did.

Morning meant African history, where we watched this cool movie called Poison Fire. It's about the destruction of the Niger Delta by oil companies. If you think the oil spill in the news lately was bad, you haven't seen even a millionth of it.
Lunch with friends, where mostly we talked about movies. I asked Dan about his future plans, and he told me that he was planning on being around MSU for another year.
Early Modern European history next, which was okay. I'm still on the fence about the class. The subject is mostly interesting, and most of the other students are alright, but the professor frustrates me. I'm going to really miss Kelly, who is probably my closest friend in the class. We had a great discussion today about The Divine Comedy. It's been years since I read it, and trying to have a discussion about it to a class that hadn't read it is trying. The professor made this strange comparison between Dante's masterpiece and A Christmas Carol. I joked that now I want to see a Muppet version of The Divine Comedy.
I actually think the idea has some potential. Imagine it: Kermit as Dante, Fonzie as Virgil. A bunch of the characters can play saints. If we wanted to integrate some of the Seasame Street characters, I'd say Oscar the Grouch would have to be in Hell, just 'cause he's so miserable. ("Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!") The best part of this idea: Miss Piggy as Beatrice. Lol. She's totally the opposite of Beatrice, but I feel like it would be fun.
My last class was my feminism class. I feel like I've gotten a lot out of this class. Sam and I were talking last night, and she mentioned that she totally wanted to have a "angry feminist rant day," and I totally agree with her. I need to vent some anger; I don't care how silly I sound. Mostly, we ate snacks and talked about Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit.
I'm going to really miss hanging with certain people in this class, mostly Erin, Jamie, Kate and Sam. I met each of them a different year of college. Sam I met in my very first English class (so it feels appropriate we're ending in the same class.) Erin I met through Jon and Jane. Kate I met in my Greek Religion class. And Jamie I just met right before school started this term. Everywhere I go this last week or so, I find myself looking back to whoever I run into and think "Oh my gosh! We've known each other for x amount of years, but it seemed like I met you a month ago." Things really do fly by.
My big plans this evening were a walk and a nap. I ran into Mark and got sidetracked. Mark is really awesome. He's one of those people who you connect to on such a deep level. I feel like we are on the same wavelength. Quite possibly we could talk forever and never say everything. I have a couple of other friends like that (Josie, Colin, and Ashley all come to mind), and I love finding a new one. It's good to know somewhere someone gets you.
So no walk today, shockingly. Just a nap.

Basically, nothing interesting happened today (as a certain British king infamously wrote...), but I always end up missing the little and strange things about my past. When I think on my past, I always miss the people in it, especially the ones I don't see often anymore. I miss those great conversations, and the regular meet-ups (hallways, cafeterias, classrooms, church, basements, the woods, the Forum) and the jokes. And that's probably what I'll miss most about here: wandering into my friend's rooms at all hours of the day and night to talk or watch Jeopardy or House or Chuck, sitting around in the hallways having hours-long conversations and then getting yelled at by the mentors, having "homework parties" in rooms or lobbies, running into each other in unexpected places, taking classes together, making bad horror films late at night in the basement like the one above, caf sitting, office hours, working, and generally being a family.
It's going to take a while for me to move on. I don't even have the time right now to compress and get all my feelings out. By this time next week, I hope to begin the process.