Nikelodeon Nostalgia

Back over Christmas break, Lisa and I were talking about how much we loved old cartoons and shows from Nickelodeon.  Back then, I was talking about how much I loved Aaahh! Real Monsters and Hey Arnold!  I am so excited to hear that they're going to be airing some of my favorite old shows on late at night. 

Christmas Miracle

We got a good call today.  One of the places where we were thinking of putting my Grandma after she gets out of the hospital called and said they would take her.  This is really good news because the other places we wanted to put her wouldn't take her and because the one other option has gotten her sick there before. 
The place comes with people to make sure my Grandma takes her medicine and people to help her with all the daily things that most people do on their own without incident.  And they have activities, which hopefully means she'll participate and make some friends.
I'm calling this our family's Christmas miracle, even though it's the day after Christmas. 

Church was okay.  The choir had a lot of unity among their sections, but as a whole, not so much.  There were parts where they were just off.  I tried to control my face so people wouldn't show my disapproval. 
One of the reasons I was excited to go to midnight mass was because this would mean there wouldn't be any children.  Which of course means that they only people who did bring a toddler sat right behind my Mom and me.  After the choir finished its first song, the little girl screamed "YAY!" and it echoed.  I was getting a headache.  Great. 
The little girl continued to scream during the service.  When the priest first ascended to the altar, she started screaming about Santa.  I considered turning around and telling her that Santa doesn't come to little girls who scream in church, because I could have sworn that my Mom told me that when I was a child. 
I guess what really annoys me about the screaming little girl is that you'd have to be stupid to drag your two-year-old out to a mass that starts at midnight.  And the church has a cry-room, and tonight it was totally empty. 
The priest gave a sermon on the historical background of Jesus's birth, talking about the Roman Empire.  I found myself thinking about Machiavelli's Monarchy, which is this eccentric argument about how monarchy is God's form of government because Jesus was born at the time of Augustus.  (Oh I know: where to even begin taking an argument like that apart.  I suspect this is why I've never come across anyone who's tried.  It's such a terrible argument no one even needs to refute it.)
People think history is boring, and no one in church was really that interested in Luke and titles, even though I thought it was interesting, but I took Roman history from a secular perspective, not a Christian one.
Right as we were going through the ritual for the Eucharist, the little girl behind me finally stopped screaming, but now she was sobbing.  That it took that long was shocking to me.  I didn't turn around to shake hands with these people because I was afraid my face would be all screwed up in disgust.
My Mom felt the need to give me a commentary of what was going on in the choir.  There's a new music director, and I hate to admit I find him very attractive in a vaguely Alan Cumming sort of way.  He was using an Ipad to play music off of, which I've never seen before, but I guess that's an application I had never considered for a device like that.
After mass I was able to avoid talking to some neighbors.  My family likes them but I honestly don't like most of them, and like I said before, I'm trying to avoid people I went to school with once because of the judginess of everyone.  I'm doing okay, and I'm grateful, but to some degree, people will always find fault with you.
We went home, and I was disappointed to realize church hadn't cheered me up the way it usually does.  I suspect that this is one of those things were I like church with friends or alone, and I found myself missing Paul again.
At home, my sister and Dad were making slushies with some new device my sister got for Christmas.  (She decided to open a gift early.)  She offered to make me one, but I honestly didn't feel like one.  I spiked some egg nog with spiced rum and that was okay.

My Dad went to bed and my Mom and sister went to watch a movie.  I saw that Invader Zim and Doctor Who were both on, so I went into another room to watch those.  And then ended up watching more of my hottness on Criminal Minds.  Which was fine with me.  I watched tv and did some creative nonfiction writing. 
Finally, around 3:30 in the morning, I went to bed. 
My Mom woke me up to open presents by texting me.  (I don't know why but my family has taken to texting me even when I am in the same building.)  And then Robert texted me "Merry Christmas!" 
I went downstairs to open presents because my sister was going to see her boyfriend later in the day. 
We opened presents.  I got some books, movies and music.  My sister liked the t-shirt I bought for her.  I'm still disappointed in myself for not getting her a purse like I wanted, but maybe that was for the best, since she got two purses for Christmas as was.  My sister ironically enough also got me a t-shirt, with a big cross on it. 
I went back to bed.  I didn't really sleep much because Jennifer, Ashley and Philip all texted me Merry Christmas messages.  I was surprised to hear from Philip, but happily so.  I've really missed him lately too. 
I gave up on getting more sleep and got up.  I went downstairs and started working some more on my writing.  My Mom came in and turned on the tv to a Christmas movie of some kind I had never heard of before. 
I thought about going with my Mom to the hospital to see my Grandma.  My Mom is afraid, in addition to all are other fears about her, is afraid that maybe she's lost her Medicare.  I really hope not, but this just seems like one more problem to deal with and we already have so many problems concerning her as it is. 
I offered to go, but my Mom told me to stay home because she wanted to stay all day and didn't want to come home early because of me.  So I guessed I was staying home. 
I took some notes on some ideas for romance novels. 
I tried to get some lunch.  My sister was doing some last minute baking, and it's kind of hard to get to stuff in the kitchen when someone's working on a food project.  When she was finally done, I tried to find something to eat.  I was going to make nachos (the only thing I've been really wanting to eat lately) but the cheese was gone and my chips were all broken up into small pieces anyway.  I decided not to bother.
Which is how I ended up spending my time in front of the tv.

Socks, Jocks and Chocolates

Given this special day, I'm posting a favorite Christmas song, "White Wine in the Sun."  I love this cover; Kate Miller-Heidke is lovely.  I love the detail of "socks, jocks and chocolates." 
Merry Christmas everyone.  :)

Christmas Eve

I did go out with my friends last night, but I had trouble sleeping on Christmas Eve's Eve.  I get up at eight every day, normally, and I think my brain is still trying to get me up at that time.  In addition to that, the neighbor's got this really awful dog.  My parents refer to these dogs as yippers, and I probably don't have to tell you what it is about this dog that was waking me up twice in the early morning. 
I shouldn't make excuses as to why I was so grumpy.  I was trying really hard not to be, but I get depressed at Christmas.  Without fail.  I can't remember a Christmas after my middle childhood that didn't get me sad somehow. 
I tried to get some things done, and then my Mom and sister wanted to go to the hospital to visit my Grandma.  I wanted to go too, so I came along. 
My Mom and sister decided they needed to go to a craft store, so I got dragged along.  While we were in the parking lot, I saw someone I went to school with years ago.  I don't think he saw me, thankfully.  I don't know what he's doing, and I luckily am not half the loser some of our fellow students have become, but I hate to rely on gloating.  Even if we could argue I deserve it. 
My Mom and sister spent a long time looking at frames and posters.  I think they originally went in just to exchange something and turned into a redecorating of the bathroom.  This happens a lot when they shop and I've learned over the year to keep myself entertained.  This time I wandered around a bit, focusing on candles.  Candles are one of those things I would use if someone else bought them for me.  I am loathe to spend the money myself.  I am even more loathe to spend my time sticking my nose in a bunch of dusty jars filled with colorful wax. 
I realized as they were checking out that it was 1:30 in the afternoon and I still hadn't had anything to eat.  I tried to remember my last meal.  Madison and I had split a basket of sweet potato fries at the bar last night.  That was it.  That was my last "meal."  I eyed the rootbeer-flavored candies.  They were appealing. 
We finally got to the hospital.  My Grandma was in the room, trying to sleep.  She was awake, but she refused to open her eyes, a normal tactic she likes to use.  We tried to get her to at least talk to us.
A few weeks ago, Faith had given me one of those headbands with reindeer ears on it.  I wore it at a Christmas party, and now I put it on in the hospital.  Even though my mood was souring, I was trying not to get upset. 
When my Grandma finally opened her eyes for more than a minute, she said "What the hell is that on your head?"
That's what she's like.  On a good day. 
She then decided she didn't want to open her eyes.  Then she was moaning for us to give her water to drink.  She's recently taken to ordering us to give her water, even though she can get it herself.  She also started ordering me around to wipe her face.  We're trying to get her out of the hospital and she won't do anything to help herself, since they try to determine if she can take of herself to place her in the appropriate kind of home. 
I went to the cafeteria to try to find something to eat.  I wandered around and saw nothing I wanted.  I have had so much sugar lately just the thought made me sick. 
I went back to my Grandma's room.  They were trying again to wake her.  She wasn't cooperating.  I suggested maybe splashing a little water in her face, which my Mom did.  My sister and I tickled her toes.  This mostly didn't work. 
She has a tv in her room, and I started looking around.  I found Criminal Minds, and this cheered me up disproportionately.  I squealed.  The sound wasn't that loud, but it scared my Grandma enough that she kept her eyes open for five minutes. 

I have recently taking to calling my love, Matthew Gray Gubler, the hottness.  Obviously if you've seen him, you don't need me to explain why I call him this.  My parents have started teasing me, because they think it's ridiculous. 
I tried to watch my show.  Nate texted me, saying Merry Christmas.  I was a little surprised, since Nate is Jewish, but I considered that maybe his family did secular Christmas celebrations.  We chatted a little via text messaging.  He said that his family was having tacos for dinner, which made me laugh and made me realize they really weren't doing anything special.  (Which is fine, because really, they don't have to.) 
Because Nate is part of a particular group of friends, I started thinking about those people.  I really wished I was celebrating Christmas with one (or more) of them instead of being stuck in this hospital, trying to bring Christmas cheer to my Grandma who not only was rudely ignoring us but not even trying to take care of herself enough to get out of the hospital. 
I texted Paul.  I almost called Paul to tell him that I missed him and explain this recent episode of my life.  He puts up with a lot from me. 
But I hesitated to call.  Paul's got family too, probably lucky enough to have the unselfish kind, and interrupting their Christmas celebrations is unfair.  I texted him "Merry Christmas."  Maybe if I was lucky he'd call me?  If not it meant he was probably busy. 
In the meantime, my family was in and out of the room, taking care of things for my Grandma.  I was left in there to watch her.  A nurse came in and started measuring her vitals.  My Grandma opened her eyes long enough to insult the woman's hair, which was tied back in a ponytail with a headband.  It looked absolutely fine, but my Grandma does this all the time, and this is part of the reason we have a hard time getting her help: no one wants to do something extra for an old woman who showers abuse on people.  I berated her for saying that. 
Then someone else came in to change her diaper and she peed all over the bed while all the sheets were gone. 

The Final Christmas Gift

Okay, I did indeed make it out tonight to get the final Christmas gift and yes, I was successful.  But it is bitterly, terrible cold out there.  Oh my gosh.  When that wind gets ripping.  My face was really wishing for one of those face masks things people wear.  The cold always has a tendency to make me cranky. 
Everyone better bundle up. 

Christmas Gawking

I went out today to do some Christmas shopping and looking at Christmas decorations.  I know lots of other people do the latter, driving around neighborhoods, hitting the local downtown to see how everything is decorated, but I've never heard a very good verb for it.  As of right now, I'm calling it Christmas gawking, for lack of a better word. 
Today's Christmas gawking was very good.  I found a bunch of tacky Christmas musicians statues.  I went past an ice skating rink, and even though it was morning, the place was in full force.  I saw some light/snowflake things and Angels with big horns decorating an area full of bushes.
I went into a toy store.  I wasn't really planning on buying anything, but I thought maybe it would get me into the spirit.  There were lots of kids running around and yelling and begging for things.  They had fancy Lego displays out.  I really love legos, still.  I loved elaborate mansions for my lego people to live in when I was little.  (I was not very interested in using the bits and pieces the way you were "meant" to; I liked making my own things, though they were probably not as appealing.)  The only bad thing was that the displays were set at a child's level, so I had to bend down to catch a peak at most of them.  Luckily, one of the square right outside the door was totally visible no matter what your height, and I loved that Darth Vader with a whip and a Stormtropper were battling it out on top of a skyscraper while some owls watched near some pirates getting drunk.  Pretty amusing. 
I headed out again.  I wandered around a bit because I had forgotten the directions I had written for myself this morning.  I was a little annoyed with myself, because I had reminded myself about five times to write them down, and then they ended staying at home anyway. 
It took me one false try, but I found where I wanted to be and headed into a shop.  This year, some of my friends and I are exchanging gifts, and I wanted to get them all done in one swoop.  Also, I wanted to get something nice for my sister.  (I had already managed a box of chocolates for my Mom.)  So, shhh!  don't tell anyone what I got for them.  :)
I was expecting to have an easy time for Lisa and Tori's gift, but actually the first thing I found was for Madison.  I was going to get her a purse, and I found one, a little bigger than I wanted, but with the design I wanted.  (It's pink.  Madison likes pink.)  So I got that down.  I found some postcards too.
(As I've mentioned before, I collect postcards.  I'm very picky with what postcards I take, and most of the kind out there I reject, but luckily I found a few I like.)
Did some more wandering around, looking in shop windows.  I went into another store and found the calendar I wanted for Tori.  (It's all pictures of hot guys.  Or what will probably be hot guys to her.  Honestly, I only found some of them attractive; what I want is a calendar of hott guys from my real life, which is to say, as a tentative list: Mark, Philip, Juicebox, Paul, Josh, Matt, Jack, Ryan, Dan...The problem with most of this list is that I suspect most of them would not agree to it, and I know Juicebox would not, because I ran the idea of him doing sexy Valentines past him last year and that did not go over well.  And, moreover, a lot of these boys are super awkward around me with clothes, and I can imagine in those pictures they'd just look super awkward without clothes, so maybe it is for the best?  Sorry.  I digress.) 
I decided not to be too picky about Lisa's gift, because she would probably love it no matter what.  I got her a stuffed teddy bear that was especially cute.  I almost got her a violently colored long-limbed monkey, but I feel like she'll like the classic better.  Lisa has a whole collection of stuffed animals (Michal complains about them.)  She even has stuffed animals buckled into the back of her car. 
I was looking at more postcards, and I found another vintage one (my favorite) and when I went to buy it (a quarter, which made it even sweeter) he told me just to take it as a gift.  I was totally flabbergasted because, yes, it was nothing, but I'm not used to getting anything for free.  I was so flabbergasted it wasn't until later I realized I didn't thank him.  Oh man.  Where have my East Lansing manners gone off too?  Maybe that's what I need to put on my Christmas list for Santa. 
The last one was my sister.  There are purses that I've been considering for her, but I didn't have any luck finding the kind I want for her.  I talked to my Mum on the phone last night for ideas, and she gave me some, but no luck yet. 
I'm going to go out again tonight and hopefully find something.  I actually have a lot to do and don't really have time for this, but I feel like I should try.  I could just get her a nice scarf (though I've never seen her wear scarves) or maybe some fancy lotion from a boutique. 
I should have started doing this earlier. 

Saturday Night Prograstination

I realize most people my age go out to party on a Saturday night, but I'm mostly stuck inside, writing. 
I have some papers due and I have been working on them on and off, but I've been also typing up some poems I wrote Wednesday night and Thursday afternoon.  (Again, I wrote poems at work.  I am going to probably get caught, so I try desperately not to.)  The first poem I typed up this night is rather silly and possibly terrible, but since I share my writing with people so infrequently anyway, it doesn't seem like a big deal. 
Then I tried to get back to editing a shorter essay.  And then I got an idea for something I wanted to write, so I stopped to write down the draft of a poem.  (I know!  Another one.) 
After I had gotten that out of my system, I sat down again to edit another one of the essays.  I realized I had made a note to myself to look up something in Wide Sargasso Sea, which I was referencing in the essay.  Of course I've left the book at home.  I went last night to the library, couldn't find it.  So I tried online, just because I just need one tiny reference.  No luck, there's no online edition either.  I could probably leave it, since it's too big of a deal, but I wanted to check that I was remembering a set of allusions correctly. 
Then I started preparing a little to go home.  I still have a little less than a week to pack but I'm so busy that I'm afraid I'm not going to have enough time. 
And, it must be said, I always struggle when it comes to what I should pack and what I shouldn't.  I decided to take home my comics and some books and leave them there.  I have more books than I know what to do with here, and they're just so heavy.  In addition to writing here, I do keep a diary.  I finished one of my diaries up while here, so I'm taking that home and leaving it.  I'm probably going to take the current one I'm writing in home to so I can write in it.  I have a third diary that someone left on our community donation table.  It looks like the front set of pages was torn out and there's a small red stain on the side of the pages, but it's otherwise useable and the leather is very soft.  I am going to leave that here so I can write in it when I come back.  I have some postcards and letters I was meant to send that I'll just take home with me and post when I get back there. 
I did make the decision to leave some of my study materials here.  On the off chance I do get enough time to do some studying, I made myself a very long list of things I want to read up on, all of them English-centric, a good deal of them obscure ancient Greek mythology that I probably once knew but no longer remember.
At the very end of the night I chatted with Madison (who was working on a paper) about what the plans were for Christmas.  So far it's unclear if we're exchanging gifts or if someone is having a party, etc. 

Some Thoughts on Halloween

Today has been one of those days where I find myself running a lot of errands.  I first walked over to a Halloween shop to pick up a couple of things for my Halloween costume this year.  I still don't have it done, but I'm thinking it'll be ready soon.  I've decided to do something relatively simple this year, just because I've been so busy.
A lot of my female friends talk about how Halloween is sort of an opportunity to dress slutty without anyone saying anything about it.  (At least not to their face.  As much as I hear people talk about dressing slutty, I hear just as many complaints about the slutty dressing.)  Although I have problems with the whole concept of slutty, I decided years ago that Halloween would be another opportunity for me to be a feminist and express myself through fantasy. 
You know what my fantasy is?  To be admired and noticed, but not for being slutty, or even sexy, but for being strong and powerful.  Usually that's what my costumes are all about.  Strength and power.  I am demanding your gaze and I'm also demanding your respect.
This year, I decided to go for something more utilitarian, because I'm expecting to move around a great deal, so comfortable shoes, something I can potentially run in, but still have fun.  It's going to probably end up being more cute than about strength and power, but I'm okay with that because of my limited time this week and because of my circumstantial constraints. 
I digress.  I was in a Halloween shop, and of course I want to buy everything.  I love spooky things, I love black, I love all the Gothic stuff, I love a cute pumpkin.  I went in and looked around a little.  They had cups that said "Zombie Potion" and candelabras.  They had this giant spider with hair covering it, and it looked so adorable I just wanted to give it a hug.
I wish that Halloween was a longer holiday.  As much as I enjoy giving gifts to friends, I wish we'd switch it so that Halloween was a long holiday and Christmas was short.  I want to have a whole week to wear costumes. 
I also wish I had money now to just splurge on lots of things for all year.  I like clothes as a way to express oneself artistically, and I was thinking that maybe I should consider costumes.  Costumes are usually made of cheap material, but in wearing something meant to be a costume I redefine what clothes means, making all clothes seem like ultimately some kind of costume.  Which could be cool.
I'm thinking of investing in wigs.  Apparently dying one's hair changes it forever and the color isn't as rich anymore.  I don't want to dye my hair, but I do want to change it occasionally, and I was thinking maybe I should buy the occasional wig.  Something fun, something I could wear to a club even. 
I finally stopped daydreaming about Halloween and bought what I needed, then I hightailed it over to the post office.  (Got stuff to send.)  And then went over to do some shopping for things for my place.  (Don't rely on roommates to get stuff.)