Staying at Karl and Jimmy's

I stayed with Jimmy and Karl a couple of nights, and I was grateful that those two boys let me stay with them.  I was hoping it wouldn't be awkward for them, and mostly, I think it was fine. 
I was shocked at how quiet Karl could be in the morning.  I couldn't even hear him.  At one point, I happened to open my eyes, and there Karl was, standing at the door.  I think maybe he thought I was freaked out by him watching me, so he closed the door quickly, kind of like when someone turns away fast because they don't want you to know they were staring at you.  Maybe he thought I would be angry at him for staring?  Honestly, if it was certain other boys, then yes, I would be, but Karl's trustable, and I saw how he was looking at me, and it wasn't filled with lust or a desire to control or anything. 
The only bad thing about staying with those two are the alarms.  Those were actually very loud.  (Karl had early classes, which made me feel terribly sorry for him, because I hate early classes myself.)  At one point, after an alarm went off, I said something really sarcastic to Jimmy.  I think I asked him something along the lines of "Are you trying to get up on time or are you trying to break the sound barrier?"  Jimmy just sort of vaguely mmph'ed at me, and possibly turned over. 
Both of them snore, which didn't surprise me because boys notoriously sleep on their backs and that encourages snoring.  It was incredible quiet snoring, though, for both of them.  If anything, it was like loud breathing, and I found myself a bit conscious about the fact I was sleeping in the same room with them.  But at the same time I was struck by both the intimacy and how peacefully nice it sounded.  It made me revel in how calm everything was.  I found myself thinking about how I need to get a boyfriend, because these soft noises were definitely something I could enjoy waking up to. 
One morning Karl got up before Jimmy and I and head out to a class.  Jimmy and I got up around the same time.  Jimmy left for class and I went out for a walk.  It was a beautiful day, and I put in my MP3 player and admired the day.  And then ran into Karl, which surprised me, because I expected him to be on another part of campus, given he's an engineering major.  We spoke briefly.  He asked me what I was doing and I said I was out enjoying the beautiful day, which it certainly was.  The sunshine was making me smiley.  I was unsurprised to see he had coffee.  I think he was impressed by my choice of music that morning, which happened to be punk.  When I pulled my earphones out, he could hear how loud it was. 

In Cold Blood

A couple of nights ago I was reading part of In Cold Blood, which is really a thrilling, fascinating, and sometimes even funny read.  There's something about it that seems to perfectly capture the American West. 
The way African Americans are depicted is interesting.  They are not an important part of the story, but that's nothing new, as they're usually relegated to the margins of society and art.  But they do come up occasionally.  At one point, one of the killers carries on about how something pays, saying that it's not enough for "a white man could live off."  Wow, basically implying that whites are more deserving of better pay, based solely on their skin.  Great.  Well, they are serial killers, there's no reason to expect that they're going to be enlightened in any other way.  And since serial killers exist because they have a psychological need for power, there's no way to hope they would be thoughtful about privilege and power the way other people might be able to be. 
At one point, they also talk about how the killers came across "a pair of Negro prizefighters driving a lavender Cadillac."  I was happy to be reminded that some African Americans were successful, even in an age where it was probably so hard. 

(Also, can I just say that I love Cadillacs and would probably love a lavender colored one?  I think I would have to come up with a clever name for it.  Maybe Lavender Brown, in reference to the Harry Potter character.) 
Women are interesting too.  At one point, this woman landlord goes on and on to an investigator, telling him that she's "just a dizzy blonde."  She goes on, telling him that she believes him, but that she "wouldn't tell that tale to any brunettes."  I found this weirdly funny.  She sounded like so many female characters in all those old movies.   
The psychology of the serial killers is another thing that is cool to see in the piece.  The narrator comments that a potential victim's laugh reminds one of the killers of his father.  The piece doesn't really talk about what that means, but anyone thoughtful enough can start coming up with theories. 
It's so well written!  At one point, the narrator describes a word as "ominous."  The word?  "OOM."  I usually don't think of "words" like that, but it is.  It even made me think of the Ood in Doctor Who. 
The other thing I found myself thinking as I was reading this was about how Lee Pace played one of the killers in the movie version of the story that came out some years ago.  As I've mentioned here before, I'm a huge fan of Pace, though I haven't seen this movie yet.  I think there's really no choice in the matter now: I'm going to have to. 

(Un)Interruptions

My roommate's been missing for the past few days.  She's been coming around to get something and then immediately leaves.  She hasn't, as far as I can tell, been sleeping in her bed. 
I'm not sure how to interpret this.  On one hand, it could be that she is just crazy busy or has a new boyfriend or something.  On the other hand, it could be that she's angry at me and instead of talking to me, has just decided to leave.  (She has a sister nearby; maybe she's staying with her or at her place?) 
It's hard to know what Nina is thinking, as she is in and out so fast.  She has a set schedule during the week.  She's usually gone by nine in the morning.  This morning she came in the room at around ten, which, in all my time living with her, she's never done.  I was totally surprised to hear her come in.  (I was trying to sleep.  She seems to hate that I am such a fan of naps, although I've decided to nap only when she's gone.) 
I am enjoying getting full nights of sleep.  I had forgotten how satisfying uninterrupted sleep is. 

Language Problems

My roommate, Nina, sometimes asks me for help with her English.  She was texting today, and she asked me if she could say "If you need any help, don't bother asking me."  I explained that she probably should say "If you need any help, just ask."  She does this frequently: say the opposite of what she means, which sometimes makes determining her actual meaning hard. 
I kind of wonder how she functions as her job.  She works at an English newspaper, so how does she get on?  I would be impossibly in trouble if I worked at a non-English newspaper. 
She told me last night she wanted to learn Chinese, which is admirable, but since she's here, I personally think an English class might be a good idea.  It's clear she has the vocab, but she needs to practice speaking, and well, there are classes (or coffee table nights) that cater exactly to that. 

Not Sleeping Again

I hate to admit it, but I'm back to not sleeping again. 
Last week was fine, but starting sometime this past weekend my sleep schedule got thrown off and I was having trouble falling asleep.  Generally, unless there's a noise problem, once I fall asleep I'm fine, but it's the falling first that has gotten me in trouble.  The last four nights or so I've gone to bed around my usual time, but ended up laying there until at least two in the morning. 
The last couple of days people have been asking me if I'm alright.  Elizabeth told me at dinner last night I looked sad, and I know I haven't been talking as much.  Those of you who have been my friends know how much I like to talk to people, but I honestly don't feel like it, and for the most part, I can't think of anything I want to talk about.
I suspect I look bad too, given how much people have been asking me if I'm okay. 
I just don't know how to fix this, because I would have already.  Last night while I was eating dinner I realized how tired I was, but it was early and I wanted to set myself back on my normal routine, so I decided to stay up until my usual sleep time.  And then when I got to that time, it was just like the last few nights where I couldn't sleep.

Take Only What You Need

Tonight was one of my favorite kinds of night; one where I see a lot of the people I love. I really love the night life. There's something perfect about having quiet conversations in rooms, down hallways, in the street, on couches, on balconies, in doorways, on the floor. There's something nice about wandering around in the night, knowing that, despite the drama, there's always this quiet.

I went, among other things, to a party tonight for Erin's birthday. It was tons of fun. At one point, they were playing MGMT's "Kids." My friend Elena and I danced to it, and there was something beautiful in that moment. I find that one of the places I am closest to God is when I'm dancing to the perfect song at the moment. This was definitely one of those times where I could feel God inside and out, moving through and all around me. Life is not perfect, not ever, but it can have perfect moments, and this is one of them.
Now, as I sit here and think about my time here, I know I'll miss these nights. I feel like this is happiness: knowing that you have a home and that there's a family there who loves you. Whether or not they leave the light on hoping you knock.