"You Kids and Your Social Life"

Tori and Ashley and I spent the afternoon out together.  We ran into Erik, one of the boys we went to school with.  Erik and I had been in a gym class together my senior year.  I knew him because, at the time, he was dating one of my friends.  We had bonded over a mutual love of metal music.  Erik is now at MSU with so many of my other friends, though I don't know what he's studying.  We run into each other sometimes at MSU, but today we ran into each other at my hometown.  It was nice.  He is lucky enough to have a job this summer. 
I came home.  As I was taking off my shoes, my Dad came in.  "You want to get dinner?"
"Can't.  I have to shower and then I am going to see a show with Madison and some other people."
"You kids and your social life."
I've been thinking a lot about my Dad and his social life, or his lack of it.  Everyone else in our house has got stuff to do.  My Mom is running a business, taking care of my Grandma, and getting ready for a convention.  My sister is taking a class and has a job.  I'm working on and off, writing, applying for jobs and internships and catching up with old friends.  My Dad isn't doing any of that.  He mostly just gets up early and watches tv and go out for drives.  I think it's why he balks so much at everyone else being gone.  He has nothing else to really think about, which is why I get such frantic calls from him about what I'm doing.
Because of the time, I had to hurry to get ready.  I showered, ate some dinner (Lemon Rice soup, a favorite of mine), and got dressed.  I had texted Madison to ask what I should wear.  She said just a t-shirt and some jeans.  I was going to go for slightly fancier, since it is always better to be more dressed up than not.  For the first time since my steampunk convention, I used makeup.  I almost never wear makeup, and I'm proud of myself for only using it occasionally. 
Tori came and got me and we went over to Madison's.  When we got there, we found Lisa and Michael sitting in Michael's car outside Madison's house.  We chatted a bit.  Tori felt my arm and was like "Oh!  So soft."  She took my arm and stuck it into the car.  "Feel."  Both Lisa and Michael felt my arm and agreed.  With other people, this might have been a weird thing, but we've been around each other for so long that it didn't really faze me.  It was like when I spent time with Paul.  Paul and I lay all over each other, and neither the two of us or anyone else gets worked up about it.  And, to be fair, Tori, Lisa and Michael are not the first people to comment on my soft arms. 
We went inside and found Madison and her boyfriend Ted hanging out.  I haven't seen Ted since New Years' Eve.  He seems like a pretty cool dude.  Michael wanted to play some piano pieces he's learning, and he did.  He's an amazing piano player.
As we sat around waiting for Ashley, Tori told us that we should have told Ashley a half an hour before we meant her to show.  Ashley is notoriously late, and we almost always run late when we get together because of her.  I once showed up to something a half an hour late myself, and Tori was like "No worries.  You still beat Ashley here."
We sat around and chatted about things.  We talked about Michael's Dad, who drives Michael a little crazy.  I mentioned to everyone that I had met Michael's Dad, but that his Dad didn't acknowledge me, so maybe he doesn't remember me.  Michael laughed and said it was true.

Art Nerds and Cocoa Puffs

If you've been reading, than you've probably guessed by now that I am an art nerd.  I'm not very good at making art, but I do go out sometimes looking for things that are pleasing to the eye.  Sometimes those things find me.  Black Warrior Review has posted its entire archive, and I love the covers.   I'm torn between the neon-glo robot cover and the cover of the medicine cabinet, which makes me think of the cover for Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, a book I first saw in high school when my friend Alex was reading it.  You'll notice this cover clear references the drugs and the cocoa puffs, but not the sex, unless you want to get all Freudian about it and interpret the spoon as a penis.  (Which is totally what Freud would do.) 

Picnic Flower

I complained last month about not having the sort of "last goodbye" events that you have in high school when you graduate. This morning, I got an email from the honors college about a picnic for upcoming graduates. So maybe I was wrong, maybe there are things going on.
I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm not sure if I want to go. Not because of the event itself, but because of the people. The people I really would like to hang out with aren't graduating seniors in the honors college, so they probably won't be around. And there are potentially people who are going to be there who I don't want to see. Not even people I hate, just people who I've recently fallen out of favor with. What's painful about those people is that I don't hate them, not a little bit, not at all, I really love them, but being around them just makes me sad because of circumstances.
I'm afraid, frankly, of going to this because I don't want to be an awkward wallflower at a picnic. I want to feel like I'm wanted there, at least by someone.
It is times like these where I think "I wish I had a boyfriend." The moment I think that, I always feel terrible. You're supposed to be with people because you love them and they love you, not because they will somehow magically fix problems for you. No one would appreciate feeling like the person they loved was with them because they were lonely, etc. They want to feel wanted for themselves and themselves alone. But at the same time, there are people in my life who always make me feel comfortable and safe and who I want at my side, and in more than just a platonic way. When I start dating again, if I start dating again, I want it to be for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.
Juicebox mentioned to me today that I should enjoy the free food. Maybe that's what I'll try to do Sunday.

A New Breed of Turistas

One of the best things about hanging around MSU for break is how quiet it is. As much as I love the people I'm around, I sometimes need time to be alone with my thoughts, and breaks are always a good moment for that.
Which is why the caf being invaded by turistas is particularly disappointing.
It's so rare that the caf is quiet during the normal school year, and these turistas are a bunch of high school kids, so on top of wandering around and getting in your way and not apparently understanding how lines work, they also feel they're entitled to be that way. Oh, and their parent chaperons feel the need to yell at the card swipers. Because, clearly, it's the card swipers fault the parent loss their meal ticket.
Watching these high schools students brings some of my worst thoughts about high school back to me. The organization that is here this week is predominately white, and I have only spotted three African American girls and one member whose exact ethnic heritage and gender were unclear to me, but he/she was definitively not white. One of the African Americans girls was sitting alone at a table. I watched a young man, on his way to food, put his hands up as if to be appalled by her, making sure, of course, that his little group of friends were watching and she wasn't.
I never understand how anyone can idolize high school, especially in comparison with college. There's so much more freedom, especially from people who you don't want to be around. The only thing I can understand is being proud of yourself as a high schooler. When I think back to how I behaved, I'm struck by how I mostly stayed true to myself and how important it was to me to stick up for those who I thought were treated unfairly. I know what I would have done if that boy and I were peers.