Helping

So when Ashley told me she wanted to see The Help, I groaned. (I can't remember if it was inward or not.) Like, honestly, I would rather not see another movie about benevolent white people who have no sense of larger structural oppression. I don't need to see a movie about that; I'm around white people who already think that and I see it on tv when I am trying to avoid blatant misogyny.
So I was reading this article which is written for young clergywomen about the same book, and I am so glad someone finally laid a particular set of thoughts out for me that I think I've been circling for awhile but have struggled to articulate. The author writes that "the challenge of living amidst privilege can be that Jesus' teachings are incredibly indicting to our own lives, which is part of what makes stories focused on morals so much more inviting, and so much more tempting, than stories focused on ethics." Although I had never thought about it in terms of this book, I have always found all the prattle of most of my fellow Christians to be disappointingly about living to some vague moral stance more based on things like not having sex before marriage or abortions. I can't even think of a fellow Christian peer who has ever once mentioned structural problems or Jesus's work on said subject. (I had a priest who would give sermons on religious tolerance and women's unpaid and unacknowledged labor, and seriously, that guy was mostly awesome. On the other side of the religious spectrum, I can think of a few atheists who had it together when it came to these kinds of problems.)
I've been meditating frequently on how disappointed I am with other Christians, because I suspect the why is important, and I think this might be a very big answer on the why. Because, ultimately, if we aren't against the forces that cause things like poverty and discrimination, that, honestly, what are we in this religion for? Are we here on earth as Christians because we want to improve our communities or because we need something to make us feel superior? If we focus on ending injustices, we are here for the community. If we focus on morals not only are we going to fall short on what God calls us to do, but we're going to end up tending to our egos and not the flock.
As some other notes, I really like the rest of this article for pointing out some of the difficulties with race. I loved this quote that the author brings up "For the dishonesty upon which a society is founded makes every emotion suspect, makes it impossible to know whether what flowed between two people was honest feeling or pity or pragmatism." In this instance, it is used in the context of race, but could easily be applied to other power structures.

Baby Shower

I went to a baby shower with Madison, Lisa, Tori and Ashley.  Well, actually, at the beginning, it was just Madison, Lisa, Tori and I.  Ashley is notoriously late for things, and although no one was particularly surprised, no one was terribly happy about it either. 
Since the party was around lunch time, they served us salad.  There were different types of salad, and at one point Madison and I decided to switch like an old married couple.  A woman we didn't know who was sitting at our table thought this was really funny, even though Madison and I have been friends for ages. 
Madison talked to us about going on a road trip with her boyfriend soon and Lisa talked about her new job.  Tori, who was helping out with the party, was mostly too busy doing stuff to really sit and talk to us. 
Ashley finally showed up after most of the food had disappeared.  She was an hour and forty minutes late.  Tori had even lied to her and told her the party was starting a half hour before it really was, and which means she thought she would be two hours late.  Tori went and got her a salad. 
I understand that everyone has off days.  And I get that sometimes life gets in the way, and sometimes traffic's bad.  But Ashley is always late.  I don't remember anything that she hasn't been late for.  And I think she's gotten to the point where it's just insensitive. 
When she was late to this party, she told us that there was someone at the house visiting her sister and she decided to "visit with them."  I can't believe Ashley was dumb enough to say this, because it sent the very clear message that the party and her friends weren't as important.  She would have been better off not offering an explanation at all. 
Also, she was dressed exactly as I was: green shirt and black slacks.  The only difference was that I had on scarf too. 
When it came time to open gifts, Tori helped move them to the new Mom and Dad.  Their nieces, who were both pretty young, were helping her with the small gifts.  They danced around and got in the way of the aunt who was taking pictures.  At one point, the younger niece had a ribbon stick to her shoe.  I got her to come over to my table. 
"Can I have your foot?" I asked.  She lifted her leg up and I tore the ribbon off. 
Tori watched all of this and commented "I can't believe you think you're bad with children." 
I don't think I'm always bad, but I do hate a lot of children.  I know that sounds really terrible, but I have low tolerance for adults who are mean or stupid; why should I like children who are the same way?  I realize some children grow out of these things, but less than you would think. 
I think I would with raising a child in certain circumstances.  I think I'd be okay adopting a quiet child who could keep themselves entertained.  I'd prefer a girl because I'd be mortified if I raised a son who treated women badly.  And if I was raising my child with a partner, especially a male partner, I would want to emulate genderless behavior.  So, I would want to be more like a father, in charge of things like punishment, and not always the nurturing parts given to moms and women. 
Obviously, this is all very specific.  And probably would never really work out in real life.  So thus, I don't really want children. 
At one point, the new Mom pulled out a baby outfit that was stripped with two types of green, and I commented that the baby would look like Steve from Blue's Clues, which made Madison laugh. 
After the party was over, we stayed around to help out.  I threw away trash and then took the tablecloths outside to beat out the little bits of things. 
There was a ton of left over ribbon, which I took.  I don't know why, but lately I've been thinking I want to tie my hair back with ribbon. 
Tori got these great frames decorated with Noah's Ark and all the animals on them, and put a picture in it for everyone.  This was a totally great idea.
After the party, Tori invited us back to her apartment for drinks.  The previous occupants had apparently left behind alcohol, and she wanted us to try it.  It was wine, which is not something I really drink, but I was fine with that.  Free alcohol is free.  
We sat around the kitchen table and drank.  Madison played some music and I sang along with her at parts of songs I knew.  

Muppet Doppelganger

Yeah, I'm bringing sexy back. 

A couple of years ago, Tori, Ashley and Lisa got into it over the show The Muppet Babies, which is one of those shows I remember watching as a kid but could not really tell you much about, other than they were baby versions of Muppet characters. 
After being asked what Muppet I resemble most, I have to say it: Animal. 
It's only a shocker to some of the people who know me.  If you've ever seen me get emotional (in good and bad ways), you know I can express a lot.  Also, as a kid, I had unceasing energy.  I might have been a regular old perpetual energy generator.  I am all bitter that I lack the kind of energy I had as a kid. 

Meltdowns and Mistakes

Ashley and I have been working a lot together the last week (which is part of why I haven't been posting as much lately.  Sorry, guys.  Will try to do better in the future.)  Mostly, work's been fine.
We do have the occasional child meltdown, which I always feel bad about.  A woman with three kids, two older boys and the youngest, a girl, came in. The girl was told she could choose only one thing, and she immediately began to cry.  (It was later in the day, so that might have been part of it.)  Watching her face crumble made me so bad for anyone. 
Another woman asked me for help finding something, so I walked with her to another part of the store to find her something.  She had thankfully asked for something I knew exactly where it was. 
"Do you get criers a lot?" she asked. 
"Just today."
"Oh, you're a saint!" 
Just hearing that (especially from a woman who looked like a Mom) made me feel a lot better. 
The next day, an older woman was looking for a certain thing, and I led her to that area of the store.  I noticed that some, though not every one of them, were marked 75% off.  When ever anything is marked like that, it goes on certain shelves, and this was not one of them.  I couldn't tell the woman that she wouldn't get her discount, but I took the others off the shelf and asked her to excuse me.
I went into the back and gave them to one of the other people working there, explaining things.  Then I called the boss and took directions from her about it.  ("Leave them in back, I'll fix it.")  And then I went back out on the floor and rung her stuff up for her. 
She told me as I was doing that she had worked as a head hunter for a large corporation for twenty some years, and that I had handled myself like a professional.  She said she was really impressed and she would totally hire me, if she could. 
And then this nice old lady just walked out. 
This is one of the things that I've been (happily) surprised with: people can be so nice!  (People have also been rude and difficult at this job, but I expected that.)  The nice people make me feel so good. 
So, nice people: keep shopping.  It makes our days better. 

Gamer Girl

Today I was on the phone with this woman I met last week when I was out with Tori and Ashley.  She wanted to know if I would be available for an interview for a job.  Would I ever!
So everyone pray for me, because I'm going to need it.  I'm going to interview for a job at a game store.  (They mostly sell board games, though they also have puzzles and a few stuffed animals.)  It's on Monday, so in the meantime, I'm going to try to think of some good answers to common interview questions. 
Wish me luck!

Monte Cassino

Tori, Ashley and I went out to dinner.  We went to a little restaurant near home.  The last time I had been here, I had gone with Jennifer when I desperately needed to talk to her.  I had the mac and cheese and it had been terrible.  I wasn't going to do that again.  I ordered saganaki and a veggie burger instead.
I love a good veggie burger.  I know a lot of people complain that they are not that good because they do not taste like meat, I do not notice much of a difference.  I'm actually pretty impressed with their ability to get a bunch of semi-mashed vegetables to taste like meat.
And then there's saganaki.  It's delicious.  It's a simple thing, but I have it infrequently enough that when I do have it, it makes me really happy.  Tori and Ashley had never had it before, so I let them try some.
Ashley talked to us about her father and traveling.  She was complaining that her Dad only likes to go to the beach when they go on vacation, and that she would like to go to museums and monuments and shop a little and do all the other things that normal people do I vacation.  I suggested Rome to her, because it's close enough to beaches that might satisfy her Dad and lots of museums and things she would like.
What I should have said, now that I'm thinking about it, is about the area between Rome and Naples.  That whole area is supposed to be covered with beautiful beaches and lots of history.  Ostia is an important ancient Roman city.

And between Rome and Naples is Monte Cassino.  It's one of those places I've always wanted to go to.  As someone who is interested in monasticism, Monte Cassino is important because it is the birthplace of Western monasticism, where St. Benedict of Nursia, the founder of the Benedictines and inspiration behind so many other orders, began his community.  In addition to that, it is also the former site of a pagan temple to Apollo and the site of the Battle of Monte Cassino.  A Polish cemetery is located there, where over a thousand Polish soldiers who died during that battle are buried.  Also buried there are St. Benedict (for obvious reasons) and St. Scholastica, his sister and a nun.  The monastery also once held the archives of the Keats-Shelley House in Rome.
I want to go, want to take a tour, want to take in mass, want to look through their archive, and want to put red poppies on the graves of those Polish soldiers.  (It's part of a song, "The Red Poppies of Monte Cassino.")  
Never mind, I don't think Ashley would like to do this as much as me.  Talking about traveling got me daydreaming again.  One of the many problems with traveling is that it seems to be a never-ending desire.  Going a little does not really satisfy it. 
After we finished eating, and paid our bills, we went home.

"You Kids and Your Social Life"

Tori and Ashley and I spent the afternoon out together.  We ran into Erik, one of the boys we went to school with.  Erik and I had been in a gym class together my senior year.  I knew him because, at the time, he was dating one of my friends.  We had bonded over a mutual love of metal music.  Erik is now at MSU with so many of my other friends, though I don't know what he's studying.  We run into each other sometimes at MSU, but today we ran into each other at my hometown.  It was nice.  He is lucky enough to have a job this summer. 
I came home.  As I was taking off my shoes, my Dad came in.  "You want to get dinner?"
"Can't.  I have to shower and then I am going to see a show with Madison and some other people."
"You kids and your social life."
I've been thinking a lot about my Dad and his social life, or his lack of it.  Everyone else in our house has got stuff to do.  My Mom is running a business, taking care of my Grandma, and getting ready for a convention.  My sister is taking a class and has a job.  I'm working on and off, writing, applying for jobs and internships and catching up with old friends.  My Dad isn't doing any of that.  He mostly just gets up early and watches tv and go out for drives.  I think it's why he balks so much at everyone else being gone.  He has nothing else to really think about, which is why I get such frantic calls from him about what I'm doing.
Because of the time, I had to hurry to get ready.  I showered, ate some dinner (Lemon Rice soup, a favorite of mine), and got dressed.  I had texted Madison to ask what I should wear.  She said just a t-shirt and some jeans.  I was going to go for slightly fancier, since it is always better to be more dressed up than not.  For the first time since my steampunk convention, I used makeup.  I almost never wear makeup, and I'm proud of myself for only using it occasionally. 
Tori came and got me and we went over to Madison's.  When we got there, we found Lisa and Michael sitting in Michael's car outside Madison's house.  We chatted a bit.  Tori felt my arm and was like "Oh!  So soft."  She took my arm and stuck it into the car.  "Feel."  Both Lisa and Michael felt my arm and agreed.  With other people, this might have been a weird thing, but we've been around each other for so long that it didn't really faze me.  It was like when I spent time with Paul.  Paul and I lay all over each other, and neither the two of us or anyone else gets worked up about it.  And, to be fair, Tori, Lisa and Michael are not the first people to comment on my soft arms. 
We went inside and found Madison and her boyfriend Ted hanging out.  I haven't seen Ted since New Years' Eve.  He seems like a pretty cool dude.  Michael wanted to play some piano pieces he's learning, and he did.  He's an amazing piano player.
As we sat around waiting for Ashley, Tori told us that we should have told Ashley a half an hour before we meant her to show.  Ashley is notoriously late, and we almost always run late when we get together because of her.  I once showed up to something a half an hour late myself, and Tori was like "No worries.  You still beat Ashley here."
We sat around and chatted about things.  We talked about Michael's Dad, who drives Michael a little crazy.  I mentioned to everyone that I had met Michael's Dad, but that his Dad didn't acknowledge me, so maybe he doesn't remember me.  Michael laughed and said it was true.

Out With Friends

I went out last night with some of my friends.  We first went over to one of the local coffee shops for treats and conversation.
One of the things that's always a bit of a problem is volume.  Tori and Ashley are particularly loud.  (You know things are bad when I think people are loud.)  There were a few brief moments where this looked like it was going to be a problem, but it was mostly okay. 
I was surprised by Tori and Ashley.  Ashley usually does not like being told that she is wrong (she's picked fights with me over very little) but Tori basically schooled her in Islam last night and Ashley didn't react as badly as she usually does.  Ashley's in anthropology, and anthropology has a bad reputation for being racist, misogynistic, homophobic, etc., and even though Ashley doesn't go for the racism and homophobia, I have heard her say some pretty misogynistic things on occasion.  This time, she said some pretty awful things about Muslims, and I sometimes wonder how it is that we grew up in the same community.  We knew a lot of the same people, including a lot of Muslims (we live in an area where there is a high population of "Middle Easteners") and yet Ashley has a totally different (i.e. mostly negative) point of view about them.  But Ashley didn't do as she always does (repeat herself until you give up), so maybe that's a sign that she's changing? 
I talked mostly to Michael, Lisa's boyfriend.  He's a really nice guy, but I always feel like he's hitting on me.
This brings up one of the many problems I have.  Apparently, I am too nice to guys.  Josie says that I make people feel way too good about themselves and Dan has commented before that I am easy to talk to.  Josie believes that a lot of guys think that I'm interested in them because of the way I behave around them.  There are a lot of guys I'm interested in, but never, it seems, the ones who are interested in me.
The other problem is that I'm not sure how to strike a middle ground between being nice and being nasty.  I know how to tell someone off (some of my readers have seen me do it), but I (apparently) don't know how to be normal around people, not overly nice and not mean.
So, with Michael things are always a little weird, because well, Lisa's right there.  And I'm honestly not interested in him, and not just because of Lisa.  I met Michael before Lisa did, and I decided against him.  And I really don't want to make Lisa unhappy.  She's been very nice to me over our seven years of friendship, and it feels silly to throw that away, especially over a boy. 


Later, we walked over to a store to do a little shopping.  While walking there, some one was playing "Boom Boom Pow" and I danced in the parking lot to it.  (You can all blame Gary for getting me into that song.  Boy is a much better dancer than he looks.)
We went to look through cards, which is something that is super foreign to me these days.  In my family, we're not allowed to buy cards, because my Mom makes them.  So I haven't been in a card rack in almost a decade.  I mostly made terrible suggestions to Ashley, like saying she should get a Grandfather-themed Father's Day card for her Dad.

Lisa is a cute whore, and she got really excited when she saw cards that were from Hoops and Yoyo.  Am I totally out of the loop here?  I've never even heard of Hoops and Yoyo before, though their website has so much sound stuff on it.  Lisa was giggling and carrying on about how cute they were, especially this one slug character.  I honestly don't ever worry about buying Lisa a present.  If it's even a little bit cute, she'd probably love it.