Book and Comic Shopping

Went out for a bit of shopping today (instead of the studying I was supposed to be doing.)  Went over to the bookstore looking for a particular book.  I was so sadden to see that even though it was a madhouse in the store, the poetry aisle was almost completely deserted.  You could comfortably sit on the floor and read and not be in anyone's way.  Also, poetry is way in the back of the store, and I suspect that is completely on purpose too.
On a whim, I went into a comic book store.  Not for anything particular, but just to have a look around.  The guy at the front made me give him my tiny little bag with my tiny little book inside.  I was surprised, just because it didn't occur to me that this place would check things, especially something so small, but I gave it over without a fight.

I looked around a bit, reading bits and pieces of Buffy comics and enjoying a small section of Hellboy.  While I was wandering through a man nearby was on the phone talking to someone, saying he was trying to buy his little girl a Spiderman comic but the all looked too adult for her.
When I got my bag back, the young man apologized to me for having to take it.  I was surprised at the apology.  Perhaps my face showed disgust or annoyance when he asked for it?  I was really just totally shocked, because the bookstore nearby was far more crowded and no one asked to see a thing.  I said it was no big deal; I understand that sometimes these things are necessary.
While walking home, I passed this ugly, awful woman yelling at a dog walker, a carton of food on the sidewalk.  The woman was saying something about punching the dog walker in the face, and carrying on nonsensically.  Ugh. 

Work Report

Work yesterday was fine.  (Yes, I managed to remember my makeup this time.)  I had the worst craving for chips.  I've been a very good girl about eating healthy as of the past few months, at least in terms of what I eat.  I only have desert at dinner, and that's usually a cake or pie, though sometimes if I am lucky a lemon tart.  But I've also been eating a lot, just because it seems like I get large helpings at the caf.  So I was so disappointed in myself for wanting chips because I've haven't eaten that kind of crap for weeks.  Ugh. 
Around ten days ago I had to send something to a prisoner in the mail.  Which was fine, but I was warned by the boss not to include staples or paper clips in the package because then they would reject the package.  So I got the package back today with a note saying it didn't like that I had put a sticker on it.  It was one of those stickers that contain our address, so someone can send it back.  When I showed it to the boss, she said that prisons will do anything to send mail back.  No kidding, I thought.  So when I go into work next week, that's the first thing that's going to be on my list of things to do.  I can hand write an address, I just wish someone would have said something to me first. 
The rest of the day was spent doing some research.  I consider myself pretty good at research, but the person I was trying to find information on seems to be as close to a nonentity as one can be these days.  One of the other employees mentioned she's been in the news a lot lately, but if Google News hasn't been able to find her, I don't think that it's true. 
The problem I have when I'm doing research is that I tend to get sidetracked by interesting information that isn't pertinent to what I'm doing.  I ended up reading this philosophical discussion of a moral dilemma.  I don't really know much about philosophy; it's one of those areas I'd like to read up on or take a class on, though I never have.  Anyway, the author basically said that there are three options to a moral dilemma: do something bad but effective to achieving your goal, do something bad and ineffective or walk away.  I recently had a moral dilemma and took the second option, then after that didn't work, picked the third.  But according to this author, the best move was the third, at least in the context they were speaking about. 
Walking away is such a hard thing for me.  So hard.  I always want to fight for whatever.  And maybe this author was wrong about the moral dilemma thing, but the idea of always choosing to walk away (and then, assumably, taking a deep breath and getting over it), seems so unsatisfying.  And I suspect that approach will drive me half-crazy because then I'll always wonder "what if" about those circumstances. 
See what I mean about getting completely sidetracked at work?  I do it all the time. 
I got sidetracked in other ways yesterday.  I came up with an idea for a memoir a few days back, and I found myself considering titles and structure for this yet-unstarted project. 
And then I found myself contemplating why serial killers exist and why are they always white and almost always male.  I have a theory involving a lot of complicated globalization and dominance and the word hegemony, but I wasn't meant to be thinking about serial killers at all. 
And then later I was thinking about the novel Desert Blood, which I read a few years ago.  The book is about the Mexican/U.S. border and a series of murders taking place there.  Apparently there was a real case of a U.S. Border Agent who raped women when he caught these women crossing the border, and because they were illegal it took ages before one of them called him on it.  I was wondering if certain details of the novel were based on those horrific incidents.  (Certain things in the book are based on a series of real crimes that are related, though not quite the same.)
I then came across a reference to how people get notices to stick to brick buildings: something called wheat paste.  I'm assuming it's some kind of paste involving wheat as a major ingredient but I found myself thinking how I had never considered how people did that or that it was something relatively simple and easy.  So, if nothing else, all this research seems to be good for me in terms of learning trivia. 
I even wrote a poem at work a few days ago.  I know, I know: I'm not supposed to do that.  But I've got one of those fickle Muses that comes and goes without a lot of warning.  And if I don't write an idea down right as I'm having it, I always kick myself later when it doesn't work as well. 
I've actually been looking at that poem today, and I think it needs work, but I feel better about it than I was expecting to.  I have been writing longer poetry as of late, and this one is rather short. 
Sadly, sometimes I think I get more done than they expect me to.  Which makes me wonder what in God's name everyone else is doing.  I dawdle enough as it is; how to people dawdle anymore than I do?  I get my work done out of sheer boredom since there's nothing else to do. 
There's also been an ongoing drama over a crashed hard drive.  Not, thankfully, with anyone I work with, but across the hallway I can hear a fair amount of yelling and whatnot over it.  Mostly I've ignored it, but sometimes it's hard to.  The woman at the center of this ongoing saga is very loud and, I suspect, the head of that group of workers.  She has ordered various people around about it.  And she has complained loudly on the phone.  And then went into a rant about how computer people are stupid and lazy.  Maybe I've just had better interactions or maybe she has a particularly useless IT person, but I've always had good to great interactions with computer people.  They've always solved my problems and even have been good at calming me down.  (Computer problems stress me out disproportionately.)  Jimmy, Dean, even Daniel are all computer people and I know if I went to them with a problem, they would never dare tell me they wouldn't help me or give me a hard time.  They all love me, they would all do their best to save me from my own mistakes.  Especially Dean.  Dean has been particularly good to me about these kinds of issues. 
Not that I would want to inflict that women on those three.  All three are relatively calm people, and out of the three of them, only Dean would complain about her.  (Though only in private.) 
Also, I don't know if something happened while I wasn't here or maybe in another part of the office, but I noticed sexual harassment posters suddenly went up all over the office.  Was there an incident?  I'm really curious, even though I know it's not really my business.  Part of me wants to know so that I can avoid the harasser like the plague. 
I did a little report writing and sent it to the boss before the end of my shift. 

Last Letter

Found this great little blog post discussing the publication of the a poem Ted Hughes wrote about his wife Sylvia Plath.  I'm a big Plath fan, and although Hughes is a good poet, I hate him as a person.  I think it's pretty telling that his companion after Plath died also committed suicide later on.  This sort of thing also reminds me why I'm so glad feminism exists, because it gave women permission to take care of themselves and not sacrifice always for their husbands at the expense of their minds and well-being.  Talented young women are far less likely to kill themselves now, and for that I am entirely grateful.  We need those talented women to create art, music, and books that forces us to see the suffering and strength of modern young women.

Today Was a Complete Save of Makeup

About forty-five minutes after I got to work, I realize I wasn't wearing any makeup.  I hate wearing makeup, but my Mom insists that I shouldn't be showing my uncovered face around work without it.  So maybe this was a Freudian slip of sorts? 
I really still can't believe I walked out without even thinking about it.  And that it took me so long to realize it. 

Hitler Stashing

So, everyone knows that a couple of days ago there was the Rally to Restore Sanity.  I didn't get to go, and I'm really jealous, because my best friend made it out there.  (Why oh why didn't I beg her to take me too!?!)  Anyway, short story short, one of the things that came out of the event was that there were epic posters at this thing.  (Apparently.  Like I said, I didn't make it.)  Someone made a little slide show of them over here, which I think is worth seeing.  I love "I can see reason from my house" poster and I like all the critiques of the Hitler stashing that's been going on.  (Can we say that now as a verb people?  Hitler stashing?  As in: to put a Hitler stash on someone as a way of making an over the top, insane political statement that upon further reflection doesn't make sense?  Thanks.) 

Long Walk Kind of Day

Went out to the park today.  I use to take walks, consistently, every day, but I've been so busy lately I haven't had the time. 
I was first annoyed with myself because I forgot my music.  Not that it's necessary, but I love to have a soundtrack when I'm out and about. 
One of the things I've noticed this year is how muted the colors have been.  I'm used to them being super bright, but they just seem to be turning brownish as quickly as possible.  I'm wondering if this is a weather thing or a pollution thing (as Dan mentioned to me last night) or maybe a combination of factors.  Anyway, for the most part, the trees have been disappointing this year in terms of color.  I spotted one tree that was layered with four different colors on it, but most trees were either green or orangy brown.  This saddens me deeply, because there are those couple of trees near the auditorium that are usually gorgeous yellow, like the color of a kid's crayon, and all I get is muddled colors this year. 
Also: the lack of wildlife!  I'm used to seeing so many squirrels, all over each other, and I think I spotted two the whole day.  (One with a very large chunk of apple or bread.)  I saw two packs of ducks and one swan.  And a couple of birds that were white with black spots, which I've never seen before. 
I did a bit of rock climbing, which I'm sure my Mom would yell at me for since I wasn't really in the proper shoes for it.  At the top of one of the first rocks I climbed up, I saw this big nail in the top, which I still haven't figured out what that's for. 
Not much in terms of people watching today either.  Saw a couple of older ladies, one who had this stripped bag and another wearing leggings and a plaid suit jacket, but generally no one that interesting. 
I apologize for my complaining.  It was in no way all bad; in fact, it was very lovely.  I have a strange love for the details of nature.  For example, I totally fell in love with a hollowed out tree stump today.  Later on I saw a tree with this tear shaped hole near its roots that I thought was very beautiful.  And the way the shadows of trees fell caught me by surprise.  And a lot of the rocks I climbed were sparkling in the sun, which I always feel is out of place, since it makes me think of being at a club or Lady Gaga more than it makes me think of nature.  I also saw this tree that had its bottom half of its trunk covered in some kind of vine and then one very ambitious vine going straight up its side, for about a yard.  Or even the way a set of stone stairs can be perfectly covered in leaves, as I saw today, can make me really happen.  I like little details.   
I also went past a jungle gym, and I realized it had been ages since I played on one.  (I can remember babysitting a little boy once and playing there, but that was almost a decade ago.)  There were all sorts of strange devices which I honestly could not figure out what the utility (or lack of utility, as this is a playground and the point is to have fun) was for. 
It's early enough that not all the flowers have died, so I got to enjoy some of those briefly. 
I'm sad Dan wasn't with me to enjoy this.  He's such a nature boy.  He knows a lot more about the stuff out there, of course, and I'm sure he'd be happy to improv a tour for me.  But as I was wandering about, I couldn't help but think of him, and I imagined his laugh.  He'd probably think I was being silly for thinking about him, and then laugh at me.   
I accidentally went home just as a bunch of kids were getting out of school.  They were yelling and carrying on and eating snacks and bragging to each other about their candy stashes this year.  One little girl with glasses kept staring at me. When I gave her a little smile, she walked away from me.  Oh great.  I probably scared her. 

This Year's Costume Report

I started out the evening doing something I don't usually like to do: trying to get people to come with me.  Maybe it's just the people I have befriended, but it seems like over the last three or four years I'm always trying to go out and do something fun and whoever is just wanting to be a homebody.  Which would be fine, if I wasn't a young woman and could just go out on my own whenever I wanted. 
This time, it was Jackie and Camilla who didn't want to come out.  Even though it's Halloween, Jackie was basically not interested in going out.  Camilla said she would come if Jackie would too, so that meant it was just Inga and me. 
Inga and I stopped to get some pizza on the way.  I had a huge dinner of pasta, rice, and peas, so I wasn't hungry in the least.  She ate her pizza while we chatted.  Inga told me all about her Grandma and how sick she was. 
I was bundled up tight, which sort of ruined my witch costume, but it was so cold.  As we walked the streets, people were dressed in all sorts of costumes.  Most of them were typical costumes.  Inga told me that she wasn't use to celebrating Halloween as this big thing.  I wish Halloween was bigger, frankly, but I'm always so busy, I never have time to do something like get a fancy costume or make my own.  (Which is exasperated by the fact I haven't sewn anything in years, so making something might be a disaster the first time I try.)
We were mostly out to see and be seen.  And we totally caught some good costumes.  We saw a little girl as some kind of ghost or goblin.  Her face was painted white with black outlining her mouth and eyes.  She had this cane with a skull on the end of it. 
At one point, a bunch of actual firefighters came by and I said "Wow, look at those firefighter costumes!  They look totally real."  An older man standing nearby laughed. 
Also saw an Uncle Fester, who I got a great picture of.  The light hit his eyes just right so that they looked like they were glowing.  Later on in the night I saw a Wednesday. 
One of the costumes I saw three of was a Barbie in a Box.  Really clever, which I like, but I wasn't expecting this to be the popular costume of the night.  (I was going to guess Lady Gaga, who I didn't see once.)  One of the other popular costumes was Michael Jackson, which I was expecting after he passed away last year, but I didn't think he would be popular this year as well. 
I did spot one guy that I think was trying to pull off steampunk (he had the goggles) but he was wearing really bright clothing, so it was hard to tell if this was what he was really going for.
I was surprised by how normal most people's costumes were.  Some years people do really different, weird, esoteric stuff.  This time almost everything was some kind of person and there were few abstract or object costumes, though I did spot a Rubik cube, the only one I've ever seen.  Someone else was what I think was suppose to be a hand, which gave me the idea of someone dressing up as the Michigan Hand, maybe with major cities indicated, the way Michiganders always do.  Probably people didn't want to do weird costumes because it's hard to explain.  I saw one man covered in spoons, for example, and I still don't get what that was meant to be. 
Most importantly, I caught an entire group of boys dressed as Greco-Roman soldiers.  If I had to guess, I would say they were probably Spartans!  I wanted to scream at them "Tonight we dine IN HELL!"
After a while Inga wanted to go.  My fingers were getting stiff from the cold, so we started walking home.  We spotted a woman dressed as a cat who had climbed up the side of a building.
Then, right as we were a block away, I noticed my phone, Sir Chip Flip with the Roam Roam, was gone.  I didn't panic as much as I thought I was going to, but I told Inga we had to go back.  Yeah, it's a really old phone, but losing something like that is such a hassle to replace.  So we walked back.  By which I ran for it. 
I went back to the spot where I was and started looking on the ground.  There were so many people milling about that I couldn't see anything.  As soon as Inga caught up to me, I was going to ask her to call my phone, opening it had fallen a way that would make it light up. 
A man approached me.  "Are you looking for something?" he asked. 
"Yeah, my cell phone."  Without even my asking for him to call, he asked for my phone number. 
Just as it stopped ringing, I spotted it two people to my left, right behind someone's shoe.  I snaked my arm through legs, hoping no one would get offended by my pushiness, and grabbed onto a small black thing.  It was Chip Flip.  Someone had just tried to call. 
"Thank you so much!" I told the man.  I hugged him.  He was really surprised.  Inga showed up and told me to get a hold of myself and we walked home.    
If I had lost my phone, I would have died.  My parents would have never let me forget it, which is deeply annoying, because my Mom's lost her phone six times in the past three years and I've never lost a cell phone once.  (At least not in the permanent sense.) 
While we were walking, some teenagers were fooling around, and Inga and I went around them.  "Dude," one of the guys said to the one girl, "You better move, or that girl is going to fuck you up," in reference to me.  
I turned back to look at them.  "I like you wicked socks," the guy said to me, in reference to my witch's tights. 
"You should hear my wicked cackle," I said. 
As Inga and I moved through the crowd, I heard him shout after me "Let's hear your wicked cackle!"
We finally made it home and went back up to see Jackie and Camilla, who were exactly where I left them.  (Jackie, I suspect, didn't even move herself.)  I got to meet their new roommate, who's name I didn't catch.