Almost Done...

Paper update: More editing today. Of all three papers.
Teresa of Avila paper: Attempted to rework the thesis. Still sucky, but less sucky than it previously was. Professor will probably hate this paper, and not without reason, but maybe this time he won't call the writing sloppy. I suspect it'll still be better than some of the other papers in the class.
Matilda of Tuscany: Kelly read and loved it and thought it flowed well. It's okay. I feel like much of the paper is "evidence dump," by which I mean there's tons of evidence but not quite enough analyzing. Still, it's better than the Teresa paper. It's a little short length wise, but this professor loves me, so hopefully, it'll pass. Plus, I pwned the essay exam last week. I should be doing well.
Thesis: God almighty, where to begin? At this point, I think this was the worst idea ever. There's way too much info. And it's such a boring paper. 24 pages of close readings, particularly feminist and colonial interpretations. Counting appendix and bibliography, we're talking 43 pages. This one's going to cost me to print out at the computer lab. My thesis adviser is a tough grader; I'm probably in trouble.
God, what I hate most about this is that nothing is ever good enough for me. I would feel less bad about my raging perfectionism right now if what I wrote was great, but it's only so-so.
Tomorrow, my plans are to turn in papers, maybe hang with some people (like my fav professors and friends,) read outside (David Sedaris, Dave Eggers, maybe Louise Rennison), and go to the bar with Erin.
But seriously, people, do me a favor, and pray for me over these papers. Going to need it.

The Final Final

Paper update: Today, I edited two of Kelly's papers. She's revised one of mine and says she's working on the next one. Have been revising my thesis. Also, completed my essay exam for African history. It was exactly as the study guide said it would be, so that's good. I was one of the first people to walk out of there, which doesn't usually happen. I suspect it's because I usually take essay exams in an hour and a half, and don't have outlines on me when I come in. This was easy in comparison. It's also my very last exam at MSU. I don't really have time to comprehend or enjoy it yet.
I was in a cheerful mood earlier this evening because Kelly really liked my Matilda essay. She said it flowed well. I would like to think, given how much I write, that I am getting better at it. I am pretty proud of it, I must admit.
Tomorrow is crunch day. Wish me luck.
Geez. 60 posts. Doesn't seem possible.

Ducatrix

Paper update: Today, I managed to write eight pages on Teresa of Avila and another eight on Matilda of Tuscany. I also finished my research and outline on the later paper. I'm feeling rather productive. The Teresa of Avila paper might need a thesis reworking, since I feel like I'm breaking one of the research paper cardinal sins by trying to make a thesis without any real evidence. Tisk, tisk. When will I learn?
One of the strange things about working on research papers is that you end up having a lot of random thoughts, as I discussed last night. Today was no different.
First, I discovered that Matilda apparently signed with the title "ducatrix" when she was married to Welf V. It's a unique title, since it's inbetween duke and duchess. I've been thinking about what mistress name I am going to have. Even though I don't want to work professionally like the lovely Mistress Matisse, who I admire greatly, I do want to have kinky relationships. As far as I can tell, a mistress name is not a requirement, but it would be nice to have one. Ducatrix Matilda? Or maybe Ducatrix Madeline? Usually, it's more like "Mistress Kinky Name Here", but since I stumbled across this little history nugget, it seems like a sign. Although I have been playing around with Anathema as a mistress name. It's just strange enough and has the right sort of dramatic history.
Also, I have once again managed to find the sort of material that might make a good historical romance. I'm working on the relationship between Matilda of Tuscany and Gregory VIII, and they were very close, even to the point where some angry bishops and Emperor Henry IV declared it being inappropriately so. I actually don't want to write a May/December romance about them, not because there's anything wrong with that, but because my sense is they were more of the father/daughter variety. I want to write one of those "historical" novels that Philippa Gregory manages to make so much money off of.
Philippa Gregory writes about real people, and she gets all of the facts she has to get right, but then she basically makes up her own crazy stuff about people. Her books are trashy, but in a way that is hard to notice when you're reading them. (Though the American movie version of The Other Boleyn Girl makes it super obvious.)
My trashy not-really-based-on-history historical novel is this: Gregory was the literal father of Matilda. He knocks up Beatrice when she was hostage of Godfrey V of Lorraine and Gregory was in Germany at the court of Henry III. (See? Based on actual truth, but twisted in a way that is highly unlikely.) Adorable child Matilda hanging out with younger, not-yet-Pope Gregory. Gregory, cunning man that he is, has Matilda's two older siblings, Beatrice and Frederick, murdered, laying the ground for Matilda to inherit her father's holdings. Fantastic.
Like I said last night: probably not helping me write papers. But fun to think about none the less.
One of the things I find that makes paper writing easier (other than say treats and not being under the gun and not having irritating professors and having something interesting to say) is music. Mostly, I've been listening to the delightful Gimme Fiction by Spoon. (It is up, if you look, on YouTube.) I have a lot of thoughts on the album, mostly positive, but I feel like I don't want to carry on too much about it here. Mostly, let me just say that it's nice to be singing lines like "Great dominions, they don't come cheap" midway through a sentence explaining the rhetoric of femininity in Teresa of Avila's writing.

The other song I'm in love with? "Break It Up" by Patti Smith. Smith is one of those people I put on lists about ideas/movies/music I am promising myself to check out. Friday afternoon, I was on my office's computer, and one of the other workers usually messes with it so that it plays random stuff off of Last.fm. Mostly, it's hipster stuff, which I have mixed feelings towards. The first thing that came up this time was this song, and I fell in love. Now I'm going to have to listen to the whole album.

Queer Theory

I went over to the Union today to have a meeting with my friend Erin and work on our papers, the one I mentioned yesterday. While I was sitting there waiting for her, I did some reading for the class. We're reading essays on queer theory, which is fine, but whoever had my book beforehand wrote some seriously stupid notes in the margins of this chapter. At one point, she (I'm assuming she, given the handwriting) asked if the open sexuality the queer movement was espousing included pedophilia and necrophilia. Um, no. But really? Did you really need to ask that?
I'm always shocked and saddened with how many people have to ask questions like that. This year especially, I've encounter a lot of people who don't even know the basics on issues like gender, race, and sexuality. If it's not their identity, they're ignorant.
How can people live like that? Do they really believe they are the only version of human out there, or do they just think they're the only kind they should bother knowing about?

Feminism Paper

Have been working on a paper for my English class. I'm still a little under the required page number, but at least I have something, and even having that is a big relief.
I'm writing about two works on Toni Morrison and the gaze. I'm really interested in the later. When I learned about it in a class last year, it captured my thoughts. It's one of the things I'm interested in in literary theory.
There are a couple of pop songs that I think deal implicitly with the gaze, which I'd like to write a short piece about. You know, when I get the time.

Professors

I went in to see one of my professors about a paper. I figure professors love it when you come into see them, since so few students make the effort. I noticed last week this professor's hours were right after a class and just down the street, so it seemed perfect.
There's something off about him. I'm not totally sure yet what it is, but it's been bugging me all semester. I get the feeling that he doesn't like me. Certainly, I've heard other students complain about how pompous he is, which, although he does seem knowledgeable about the subject at hand, doesn't really make me like him all that much. But I feel like I haven't done anything that should earn me his dislike. I've shown up to every class, and participate, and always do the reading and turn in all the homework. What more should a professor want? I mean, sure, I don't always answer questions correctly, but the entire point of a class is to learn, and there's nothing to learn if you already have the answers.
It's possible he thinks I'm pompous. I do think I know a lot about the background of what we're studying. This class is on the Catholic Church in the early Modern world. I've taken heaps of medieval history classes, and, for what I hope are obvious reasons, I've managed to learn a lot about medieval Catholicism. The Catholic Church is not a dynamic institution; as a general rule, if it was once that way, it's probably still that way. So I know a lot about religious orders and saints and Popes and the general "how things work" kind of knowledge, which has been helpful. But I would be the first to concede that I don't know much about mission work or the Inquisitions. I might be quick to guess the reasons why things happened, but I wouldn't know.
Maybe this is the first time a professor has disliked my enthusiasm. I've yet to come across someone who doesn't like that I care about school, but I do. I care not just because it's school with a capital 'S,' but because I'm studying things I'm interested in, and things that I like learning about. And, really, I'm very lucky. Lots of people go to college and either study something they don't like or eventually hate. I get to do things that make me happy.