Honestly, Jesus, you dot your i's with hearts? I never did that, not even as a little girl.
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The First Weekend of the Year
I watched the game, and by the time we got to the third quarter, my heart was broken. We were behind by thirty-five points. Alabama kept getting the ball and running it against us.
Then I remembered that it was after three and I still hadn't had anything to eat. I made myself some nachos.
My Mom came in and ate some of them, and this personally irked me. I hate how people are always eating my food.
I turned the tv off after we fell behind by forty-two points. I just couldn't watch it anymore because it was depressing me.
My sister turned on some dumb MTV show. And then my internet wouldn't connect. I don't know why, but it seems like lately a lot of bad things have happened, and somehow, not being able to connect to the internet was too much to deal with.
I went out for a walk. I haven't been out for a walk in weeks, even though I've just stayed inside to exercise. For the first part of my walk, I was still depressed, thinking about the bad things that had happened this week. But by the time I got back home, I was feeling cheerful.
As I was taking off my shoes, my Mom started talking to me about all this stuff she wanted me to do in the next few days and then about my Grandma (who is still in the hospital). I just felt like a deflating balloon. What little cheerfulness I had left me.
We went out to dinner. My sister didn't want to come along. In the car, my Mom asked if she had a fight with her boyfriend.
"I don't know. She didn't say anything to me about it," I said. Mom didn't really have any proof, just that she was sort of a mope the last twenty-four hours. I had noticed that too.
Dinner was okay. My Mom usually is fine at restaurants, but she chose tonight to be one of those people who harass the wait staff. One of the waiters came up and asked if we wanted more of some chips. My Mom said that she was hoping the food would come out soon. This apparently prompted the manager to come over and say the food was coming soon.
Uh-oh.
Then my Mom wasn't happy with how her burger was cooked, and they took it back and got her a new one. The manager came over again and checked to make sure the second one was cooked well and then came back to ask her again if it was okay.
I think the manager was overreacting a bit, but at the same time it's so embarrassing. We got out of there soon.
When I got back, my sister was watching Jersey Shore. I tried to do some work in the same room. Then the boyfriend called. She talked to him briefly, telling him that all he had to do was give his Dad's name and use his ID. I don't know what that was over, but doesn't sound much like making up.
I worked on putting some new music on my MP3 player. As I was trying to get a CD to work, and it wouldn't import. I tried to get it a second time and it worked then.
Then the boyfriend walked into the room. He sat down with my sister and they tried to watch a movie. Something about the air was really tense (they couldn't decide what to watch) so I left. I went to the next room, continuing the fixing up of my MP3 player and reading about French chansons in between.
My sister and her boyfriend watched the UConn/Oklahoma game. I watched bits and pieces of it. Man, Oklahoma's a good team. They're fast and they're rough.
The only thing I don't like about them is their mascot. I'm strangely picky about mascots, and I find there's something really awful about glorifying the Sooners, who were part of a bunch of white people who kicked Native Americans off their land, the land the government forced them on after torturing them through the Trail of Tears. (Among other things, soldiers raped Native American women, specifically targeting those who spoke English.)
I watched part of the Crow which I've never seen before but heard a lot about over the years. I can see why people like it. Then I watched Criminal Minds. I'm trying to watch as much of it as possible because I don't have access to it when I leave home, being without a tv and all. Mostly, being without a tv is a good thing, but sometimes I don't want to do anything but veg out, and watching tv has to be the ultimate way to veg out.
Afterwards, I was still not quite ready for bed, so I sat down and read for about an hour. Then I fixed myself a drink and read for another hour and finally I felt ready for bed.
I had another dream about Sam, the second one in about a month. It's so strange dreaming about Sam because I don't usually think about her at all. This time, I walked into a room and there she was, sitting at her computer. We talk, though I can't really remember what about, though I think part of the conversation centers around music, specifically a CD I bought when I was in Canada. Then we start dancing around, and she's shouting the way she used to.
I haven't seen Sam for at least a year now. Right around this time, she packed up her bags and left, not saying goodbye to me or anyone else. In the time leading up to her leaving, I saw her around less and less, because we were no longer living in the same area or in the same field of work. But she was living with Emily and Chrissy, and she didn't say anything to them either (even if my last dream implied Emily knew more than she told me at the time.)
When I got up, my Mom was in the kitchen, talking about how she was going to see my Grandma in the hospital today. I wanted to go, but not really now.
I took another walk. This time, I put on my MP3 player and went around the neighborhood. There was no one around, and I sort of like it this way. I don't really like it when people around here stop and talk to me because I don't necessarily want to talk to them, and usually they ask what I'm up to, and honestly I'm too tired to talk about that these days.
Then I remembered that it was after three and I still hadn't had anything to eat. I made myself some nachos.
My Mom came in and ate some of them, and this personally irked me. I hate how people are always eating my food.
I turned the tv off after we fell behind by forty-two points. I just couldn't watch it anymore because it was depressing me.
My sister turned on some dumb MTV show. And then my internet wouldn't connect. I don't know why, but it seems like lately a lot of bad things have happened, and somehow, not being able to connect to the internet was too much to deal with.
I went out for a walk. I haven't been out for a walk in weeks, even though I've just stayed inside to exercise. For the first part of my walk, I was still depressed, thinking about the bad things that had happened this week. But by the time I got back home, I was feeling cheerful.
As I was taking off my shoes, my Mom started talking to me about all this stuff she wanted me to do in the next few days and then about my Grandma (who is still in the hospital). I just felt like a deflating balloon. What little cheerfulness I had left me.
We went out to dinner. My sister didn't want to come along. In the car, my Mom asked if she had a fight with her boyfriend.
"I don't know. She didn't say anything to me about it," I said. Mom didn't really have any proof, just that she was sort of a mope the last twenty-four hours. I had noticed that too.
Dinner was okay. My Mom usually is fine at restaurants, but she chose tonight to be one of those people who harass the wait staff. One of the waiters came up and asked if we wanted more of some chips. My Mom said that she was hoping the food would come out soon. This apparently prompted the manager to come over and say the food was coming soon.
Uh-oh.
Then my Mom wasn't happy with how her burger was cooked, and they took it back and got her a new one. The manager came over again and checked to make sure the second one was cooked well and then came back to ask her again if it was okay.
I think the manager was overreacting a bit, but at the same time it's so embarrassing. We got out of there soon.
When I got back, my sister was watching Jersey Shore. I tried to do some work in the same room. Then the boyfriend called. She talked to him briefly, telling him that all he had to do was give his Dad's name and use his ID. I don't know what that was over, but doesn't sound much like making up.
I worked on putting some new music on my MP3 player. As I was trying to get a CD to work, and it wouldn't import. I tried to get it a second time and it worked then.
Then the boyfriend walked into the room. He sat down with my sister and they tried to watch a movie. Something about the air was really tense (they couldn't decide what to watch) so I left. I went to the next room, continuing the fixing up of my MP3 player and reading about French chansons in between.
My sister and her boyfriend watched the UConn/Oklahoma game. I watched bits and pieces of it. Man, Oklahoma's a good team. They're fast and they're rough.
The only thing I don't like about them is their mascot. I'm strangely picky about mascots, and I find there's something really awful about glorifying the Sooners, who were part of a bunch of white people who kicked Native Americans off their land, the land the government forced them on after torturing them through the Trail of Tears. (Among other things, soldiers raped Native American women, specifically targeting those who spoke English.)
I watched part of the Crow which I've never seen before but heard a lot about over the years. I can see why people like it. Then I watched Criminal Minds. I'm trying to watch as much of it as possible because I don't have access to it when I leave home, being without a tv and all. Mostly, being without a tv is a good thing, but sometimes I don't want to do anything but veg out, and watching tv has to be the ultimate way to veg out.
Afterwards, I was still not quite ready for bed, so I sat down and read for about an hour. Then I fixed myself a drink and read for another hour and finally I felt ready for bed.
I had another dream about Sam, the second one in about a month. It's so strange dreaming about Sam because I don't usually think about her at all. This time, I walked into a room and there she was, sitting at her computer. We talk, though I can't really remember what about, though I think part of the conversation centers around music, specifically a CD I bought when I was in Canada. Then we start dancing around, and she's shouting the way she used to.
I haven't seen Sam for at least a year now. Right around this time, she packed up her bags and left, not saying goodbye to me or anyone else. In the time leading up to her leaving, I saw her around less and less, because we were no longer living in the same area or in the same field of work. But she was living with Emily and Chrissy, and she didn't say anything to them either (even if my last dream implied Emily knew more than she told me at the time.)
When I got up, my Mom was in the kitchen, talking about how she was going to see my Grandma in the hospital today. I wanted to go, but not really now.
I took another walk. This time, I put on my MP3 player and went around the neighborhood. There was no one around, and I sort of like it this way. I don't really like it when people around here stop and talk to me because I don't necessarily want to talk to them, and usually they ask what I'm up to, and honestly I'm too tired to talk about that these days.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Out with Friends, pt. 2
One of the other things about being out with friends was that it allowed me to get some updates on people.
Ashley, for example, is looking for a job. One of the old boarding schools she used to work with is looking to hire people in an mentor like capacity. I'm not going to lie, I'd really like to get a job like that. I've always wanted to go to a boarding school (which probably fed into my love of living at school), but working at one is the next best thing. There's no way I qualify for this job, or at least not the way Ashley does. Ashley spent time as a mentor at her university, and I decided not to do that. So, to prevent myself from being jealous, I'm remembering all the stupid stuff mentors had to do and all the crappy mentors we had.
Tori is taking summer classes. She's thinking of getting a master's in history, working at a community college, and then using that money to put herself through a Ph.D. I didn't mention that really, you shouldn't have to pay for a master's or a Ph.D, but then I remembered how I really don't know anything.
Tori also changed her major from biology to history. I know that she'll be amazing in history, but I realized last night that almost all of my friends have changed their major at one point or another. Was this something I was suppose to do too? I guess not, since the idea of giving up English breaks my heart.
We also chatted about the World Cup and about the recent debacle over the baseball commissioner not calling the perfect game for the Tigers. I actually held my own on a sports conversation! I guess hanging out all the time with Danny and Paul really made a difference. I actually know what I'm talking about now. I'm really proud of myself. I've grown.
At the end of the night, we went driving through town. It was so dark, and as we drove past fields and through the woods, it was so quiet and beautiful looking. I love night. Everything felt blissful and calm and safe last night.
When I got home, I showered and then realized that I was actually tired. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, so being tired before one in the morning made me think that maybe I could just sleep normally. And I did.
Last night was one of our best nights out, strangely enough. Over the years, we've had some disagreements and other things, but we didn't fight or anything. Maybe we've changed since high school, but maybe we're changing back towards each other, not away from each other they way I thought we were. I heard someone say a few days ago that friends recklessly hurt each other and then awkwardly forgive each other. Maybe we're getting better at that last part.
Ashley, for example, is looking for a job. One of the old boarding schools she used to work with is looking to hire people in an mentor like capacity. I'm not going to lie, I'd really like to get a job like that. I've always wanted to go to a boarding school (which probably fed into my love of living at school), but working at one is the next best thing. There's no way I qualify for this job, or at least not the way Ashley does. Ashley spent time as a mentor at her university, and I decided not to do that. So, to prevent myself from being jealous, I'm remembering all the stupid stuff mentors had to do and all the crappy mentors we had.
Tori is taking summer classes. She's thinking of getting a master's in history, working at a community college, and then using that money to put herself through a Ph.D. I didn't mention that really, you shouldn't have to pay for a master's or a Ph.D, but then I remembered how I really don't know anything.
Tori also changed her major from biology to history. I know that she'll be amazing in history, but I realized last night that almost all of my friends have changed their major at one point or another. Was this something I was suppose to do too? I guess not, since the idea of giving up English breaks my heart.
We also chatted about the World Cup and about the recent debacle over the baseball commissioner not calling the perfect game for the Tigers. I actually held my own on a sports conversation! I guess hanging out all the time with Danny and Paul really made a difference. I actually know what I'm talking about now. I'm really proud of myself. I've grown.
At the end of the night, we went driving through town. It was so dark, and as we drove past fields and through the woods, it was so quiet and beautiful looking. I love night. Everything felt blissful and calm and safe last night.
When I got home, I showered and then realized that I was actually tired. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, so being tired before one in the morning made me think that maybe I could just sleep normally. And I did.
Last night was one of our best nights out, strangely enough. Over the years, we've had some disagreements and other things, but we didn't fight or anything. Maybe we've changed since high school, but maybe we're changing back towards each other, not away from each other they way I thought we were. I heard someone say a few days ago that friends recklessly hurt each other and then awkwardly forgive each other. Maybe we're getting better at that last part.
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