Dei Gratia

Bah. I keep hoping for interesting stories, but these days, my life is mostly confined to my place, writing papers.
The writing of these papers goes well. It's slow going, but there is stuff to show for it at the end of the day. Not much, usually, but something.
Among other things, I am writing two papers, one on Matilda of Tuscany and the other on Teresa of Avila. Today, I managed to finish most of my outline on Matilda and write four pages on Teresa. So not bad. Not awesome, but I read through six different sources for the outline on Matilda, so even though it doesn't look like much on paper, I went through a lot of information.
I guess what I wish I was writing on was Matilda's awesome military might or her second husband, instead of her relationship with Pope Gregory VII. Matilda was one of the most important military leaders in European history, but she is often overlooked because she's female and no one thinks much about the Investiture Contest as a war. (Ask Henry IV what he thinks about that.)
I love women warrior images. I doubt anyone who knows me, and how proud I am of my Viking and Hun heritage, will be surprised to hear this. I love Buffy Summers, Joan of Arc, Xena, Athena, Starbuck, Fa Mulan, Sailor Moon, Boudica, Anita Blake, Nzingha, the Amazons, Artemis, Cordelia, Judith, hell, I even love the Halliwell sisters (especially Prue.) I love watching a woman kick a man's ass, especially a bastard who really deserves it. I wish there were more stories about women warriors, because I feel like those are the heroes I need in my life but don't ever get enough of. Instead I get the "save me, handsome man!" women, who annoy me. I want a woman to save the day and herself. I want women who are brave.

For example, this is the video of Chester French's "She Loves Everybody." I stumbled upon this band back in the summer of 2007 (check out their song "I'm Not Over You" if you like this.) I love this music video, not just because I love the song and the band and the boys are cute. No, I love that she beats these boys to a pulp. I love how she gently smooths their hair back, how they flinch, and then BAM! Bloody goodness.
In addition to fantasizing about women warriors, I also want to write about Matilda of Tuscany's second husband, Welf V, who she married when he was 17 and she was 46. I want to write a historical romance about it. Even though, the terrible side note of all of this is that after five years of marriage they separated.
So basically, when I'm suppose to be working on papers, these are the random thoughts I end up having. Which is not the end of the world, but it's not really helping me get these papers done.

Last Day of Classes or, A Muppet Version of The Divine Comedy

Zut alors. Today was my last day of classes. I was kind of wondering if something of note was going to happen, but nothing really did.

Morning meant African history, where we watched this cool movie called Poison Fire. It's about the destruction of the Niger Delta by oil companies. If you think the oil spill in the news lately was bad, you haven't seen even a millionth of it.
Lunch with friends, where mostly we talked about movies. I asked Dan about his future plans, and he told me that he was planning on being around MSU for another year.
Early Modern European history next, which was okay. I'm still on the fence about the class. The subject is mostly interesting, and most of the other students are alright, but the professor frustrates me. I'm going to really miss Kelly, who is probably my closest friend in the class. We had a great discussion today about The Divine Comedy. It's been years since I read it, and trying to have a discussion about it to a class that hadn't read it is trying. The professor made this strange comparison between Dante's masterpiece and A Christmas Carol. I joked that now I want to see a Muppet version of The Divine Comedy.
I actually think the idea has some potential. Imagine it: Kermit as Dante, Fonzie as Virgil. A bunch of the characters can play saints. If we wanted to integrate some of the Seasame Street characters, I'd say Oscar the Grouch would have to be in Hell, just 'cause he's so miserable. ("Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!") The best part of this idea: Miss Piggy as Beatrice. Lol. She's totally the opposite of Beatrice, but I feel like it would be fun.
My last class was my feminism class. I feel like I've gotten a lot out of this class. Sam and I were talking last night, and she mentioned that she totally wanted to have a "angry feminist rant day," and I totally agree with her. I need to vent some anger; I don't care how silly I sound. Mostly, we ate snacks and talked about Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit.
I'm going to really miss hanging with certain people in this class, mostly Erin, Jamie, Kate and Sam. I met each of them a different year of college. Sam I met in my very first English class (so it feels appropriate we're ending in the same class.) Erin I met through Jon and Jane. Kate I met in my Greek Religion class. And Jamie I just met right before school started this term. Everywhere I go this last week or so, I find myself looking back to whoever I run into and think "Oh my gosh! We've known each other for x amount of years, but it seemed like I met you a month ago." Things really do fly by.
My big plans this evening were a walk and a nap. I ran into Mark and got sidetracked. Mark is really awesome. He's one of those people who you connect to on such a deep level. I feel like we are on the same wavelength. Quite possibly we could talk forever and never say everything. I have a couple of other friends like that (Josie, Colin, and Ashley all come to mind), and I love finding a new one. It's good to know somewhere someone gets you.
So no walk today, shockingly. Just a nap.

Basically, nothing interesting happened today (as a certain British king infamously wrote...), but I always end up missing the little and strange things about my past. When I think on my past, I always miss the people in it, especially the ones I don't see often anymore. I miss those great conversations, and the regular meet-ups (hallways, cafeterias, classrooms, church, basements, the woods, the Forum) and the jokes. And that's probably what I'll miss most about here: wandering into my friend's rooms at all hours of the day and night to talk or watch Jeopardy or House or Chuck, sitting around in the hallways having hours-long conversations and then getting yelled at by the mentors, having "homework parties" in rooms or lobbies, running into each other in unexpected places, taking classes together, making bad horror films late at night in the basement like the one above, caf sitting, office hours, working, and generally being a family.
It's going to take a while for me to move on. I don't even have the time right now to compress and get all my feelings out. By this time next week, I hope to begin the process.

Golf Carting

I was on one of my infamous walks this afternoon, and while in between the Union and West Circle, Dragonfly came up behind me in a golf cart. She allowed me to sit in the passenger seat, and we drove all the way to her work headquarters. It was a lovely day, though a bit windy, and Dragonfly looked cute in her hat and pink tee, like a real gardener. We giggled and carried on a bit.
I'm terribly jealous of her new job working the north grounds of campus. I always enjoy manual labor of certain kinds, which is strange because I'm also bookish. Perhaps if I am unable to find a job at home I'll consider coming back here to look. I wouldn't mind doing her job or working maintenance in one of the dorms.

William II in 1166

Just got back this evening from a study group at the library for the final tomorrow. Elizabeth, who is such a nice girl and clearly one of the better things happening in the history department, organized this. We basically went over a ton of stuff. I was only there for two hours, and we still didn't go over everything, just mostly everything. Plus, there are always discrepancies between our notes. At one point, Elizabeth mentioned William II doing something in 1166, and I was hella confused.
Cameron, one of the other smart kids in the class, mentioned that the upcoming medieval conference was only a week away. (!) I knew Kalamazoo had a conference in the summer, I just didn't know it was going to be so soon. I would really like to go, but I don't know if I could justify it, especially to my parents, who are ignorant of my medieval love.
I'm also a tad annoyed, because I realize the dumbest kid in class probably has a crush on me. I've caught him staring at me with those big wondering eyes that boys get sometimes. Why why why why WHY does this always happen? I can get a guy's attention, it's just always the wrong guy. Why can't a guy I admire and love feel the same way about me? Why is it always the ones I think are worthless?
I feel like God is taunting me.

Being a Medievalist

The professor was actually impressed today during the review for the final on Wednesday. We were actually asking good questions so that we would understand it.
I'm really sad about leaving medieval history, though I suspect I won't have enough time to get upset about, seeing as I have another final, two research papers and a thesis to write in the next nine days.
So maybe I'll postpone that until after the term is over.
But thinking about it now, a few things become clear. First, becoming a medievalist was totally a fluke. I decided one morning freshman year, while asleep in my bed, that I wanted to try a second major in history. All year I did not have history classes and it made me sad. Every history major has to take the basic class, and I choose a class based on location and time. When I signed up, there was no subject and no teacher attached. It was all random that I got medieval. I suspect if it had been something else and the teacher had been cool, I might be obsessed with that now.
Secondly, I'm so glad that medieval happened because it forced me to learn a little Latin and to see how complicated European history is. It's easy for Americans to brush off stuff and just focus on the plague or the Crusades, but other stuff happened, like the Investiture Contest, like the splitting of Charlemange's empire, like the Pope's policy of neutralizing any significant political power in Italy. All of it had long reaching consequences, and all of those examples are important to understanding things today. I'm happy for that perspective.
And also, being a medievalist is just another way I'm nerdy. It's a different kind of nerdy, but one that Dungeons and Dragon kids can appreciate.
I'm hoping that in the future, I will occasionally make time for medieval history. I'm want to keep reading about it.

If you happen to be like me, I can suggest the following books:

God's War: A New History of the Crusades One of the best books I've read on the Crusade. Easy to understand prose. He doesn't shy away from explaining the important ways the Crusades were influences by other things happening at the time.
William Marshal: Knighthood, War and Chivalry Crouch is Marshal's main biographer, and this book is a decent explanation of his life. Might be a little harder to work on if you're not familiar with the events at hand.
Medieval Architecture, Medieval Learning: Builders and Masters in the Age of Romanesque and Gothic One of the strangest books I've encountered in my studies. I'm not sure I buy the argument of the book, which is that architects and masters worked sort of in tandem to create great masterpieces in their respective fields. But the explanations of medieval architecture are perfect. And there are pretty pictures. My copy has those pictures in black and white, but I'd love to see a color version of this book.
The Song of Roland One of the first poems in French. It's the classic story of the brave knight Roland who sacrifices himself to save his beloved king, Charlemagne. Though not accurate historically, it's still a fun read.
The Oxford Illustrated History of the Vikings A glorious book. Easy read and great images to bring the Viking world alive.
Arthur: The Seeing Stone Though not an actual history book, this is easily my favorite fictional book about the time period. Although written for a young adult audience, it's delightful.

The Time of Angels

Every once and a while I have a moment where I realize that I really am meant to work in literary theory. I was watching the latest episode of Doctor Who, and I had a great idea for a paper. I'm going to have to do a little research for it (read up on Foucault and the gaze, and probably have a look at one of my best theory books Ways of Looking), but I think I can swing it. I don't think it'll be a very long essay, but I want to write it, all the same, if only because I think it's a good idea and because I've never heard anyone apply theory to Doctor Who. I'm not up on British studies, so possibly someone has, so I'll have to do some research there too. Possibly someone's come up with this before me, but I suspect not, given the episode just aired yesterday. More likely, someone did something similar with other episodes, and I can draw on that to write a more informed and interesting essay.
These moments make me happy, make me feel like I might be teetering on the edge of genius. Even Erin, who read an early draft of the paper I mentioned a couple posts ago, was impressed with one of my observations about Toni Morrison's Sula and "Recitatif." Last night, as I was working on my paper, I felt like I was really doing this, really applying theory to a work, really creating an interpretation. I love this feeling. I love other related feelings, like that feeling of yes, I understand this and yes, I've created something worthwhile. Ta-da! I'm an emerging scholar, and an enthusiastic one at that.
Also, I cannot believe I am past fifty posts already! I feel like this blog just started. Maybe I am capable of keeping this up.

Queer Theory

I went over to the Union today to have a meeting with my friend Erin and work on our papers, the one I mentioned yesterday. While I was sitting there waiting for her, I did some reading for the class. We're reading essays on queer theory, which is fine, but whoever had my book beforehand wrote some seriously stupid notes in the margins of this chapter. At one point, she (I'm assuming she, given the handwriting) asked if the open sexuality the queer movement was espousing included pedophilia and necrophilia. Um, no. But really? Did you really need to ask that?
I'm always shocked and saddened with how many people have to ask questions like that. This year especially, I've encounter a lot of people who don't even know the basics on issues like gender, race, and sexuality. If it's not their identity, they're ignorant.
How can people live like that? Do they really believe they are the only version of human out there, or do they just think they're the only kind they should bother knowing about?