Compare and Contrast

I caught Sarah in the caf today.  Basically, I had told Lavvy a couple of days ago that I wanted to help Sarah clean out her place, which, among other things, is getting new carpeting.  I've never been to Sarah's place before, but apparently it is really messy and crammed with stuff. 
Sarah and I talked and I offered to help.  I told her about how a nasty comment Sharon made got me thinking about privilege and caring for other people. 
"Sharon systematically alienates people," Sarah explained. 
"Does she have low level autism?" I asked.  "There's something off about her socializing." 
Sarah considered, then said probably not.  Sarah claimed Sharon was jealous of her. 
I don't know.  I like Sarah, but, but as I imagine myself seeing from Sharon's eyes, there isn't anything about Sarah that I feel would make me jealous. 
At the same time, Sharon says a lot of strange things, often very hurtful to whom she says them to.  I've watched her say some really ugly things to Claire and Ruth, and I myself have been on the end of some of them.  (Elizabeth noted that she had said something stupid things in front of Tamar, which surprises me not at all.) 
Maybe the better way of describing Sharon is to say that Sharon is one of those people who is always comparing her life to your's, and not always making a great secret of it.  I've noticed this in some of my own friends, mostly Ashley but also sometimes Natasha and Laura.  Basically, they make you know that they compare their life to your's.  If they think they are doing better than you, they make sure you know how inferior you are.  If they think you are the one doing better, they are angry and resentful at you, because, clearly, it's your fault and you deserve to be punished.  The truth is that comparing yourself to anyone, no matter who it is and no matter how you react, it's a bad habit, one that leads to other bad habits that leave you either alone or unhappy or both.  Personally, I advise not doing it at all, and catching yourself when your mind wanders to those thoughts. 
I've found concentrating on the positive things in my life is the best way to be happy, or, when things aren't so good, the best way to be happier.  If you're happy with your life or at least making an effort to be, you're really better off.  Comparing always ends the same. 
This might be Sharon's thing.  She isn't happy, but instead of loving the good things in her life and working to fix and appropriately deal with the things that aren't, she sits around comparing.  She wallows in self-pity when she finds herself lacking in comparison with someone and she insults and belittles someone when she doesn't.  She alienates people by being mean and then feels bad about herself for losing another friend.
Sarah also mentioned that she thinks Sharon might be gay.  I could see that, though Sharon once mentioned an ex-boyfriend.  Sharon's been alone for a while, and maybe that's a problem too.  With a lot of the people who I note do this comparing thing, there tends to be a fair amount of loneliness in their lives.  The only exception is Laura, but I'm not sure if she's just not lonely or if she's just hiding it from me.  (Ashley and Natasha give off loneliness vibes, Ashley does it a lot more than the average person.) 
Anyway, it's something I'm going to be thinking about, especially as I observe Sharon. 
Sarah also mentioned that she gets along with everyone, which I kind of true.  There are a lot of people who I think she really just tolerates and they tolerate her back. 

Approaching an Answer

So, I asked Jimmy about the conversation I had at lunch yesterday.  His thoughts were that I was approachable only if someone knew me.  Otherwise, not so much. 
I realized as I asked him how naturally shy Jimmy is.  It's one of the many things I love about him.  I asked him if I had scared him away, and he said no.  But of course, at that point, I was already friends with Justin and Ryan, and we had those people in common. 
Jimmy did note that I'm usually the one to approach people anyway, which is true at least in some cases. 

Write Psyche

Alexander had me working on some writing.  I got started, and I was chugging along.  Then he sent me this email with some guidelines ("Guidelines!?!!?," I thought.  "Why couldn't he say something about these before hand?") and they psyched me out.  When I can just write, I usually am fine, but when I have a word count, I really struggle.  I either write way too much or way too little, because the word count is itching at the back of my mind. 
I got it done, and Alexander actually would rather that I write more than less.  And I did.  And it'll probably be fine. 
I wish Alexander would give me some feedback.  Everyone around there treats me like I'm fragile, but honestly, I've had teachers try to make me cry when it comes to my writing; sending me an email with some miscellaneous thoughts wouldn't be a big deal. 

Real Person Fanfiction

I told this story to Dan, Jimmy and Kristina, and I thought I'd share it with some of my other readers, since it's based on my experiences with real people.
"So, Alex is going to be a director and make movies.  Every time there's a premier, Nick is going to be all 'God!  Do we have to go to this movie!?!  Alex is a terrible director, and he's an even worse writer.'"
'He's not that bad.'
'Oh, please, you have no taste.'
But Nick will always still go, along with everyone else who likes Alex.  And every movie, there's going to be a character that is clearly based on Justin.  The person who will hate these characters the most?  Justin. 
'That Trustin character was hella annoying.  And fugly.  If I knew someone like that, I would just slap them in the face.'
I would turn to look at Dan and we would exchange a look.  'Justin,' I would say, as gently as possible.  'Trustin was based on you.'
'No he wasn't!  You're just being mean!'
'No, really, I think that-'
'You're wrong!  You're just trying to make me feel bad!' And then Justin would march out, slamming the door behind him.  And then-"
And then I stopped telling this story, realizing I was basically writing real person fanfiction.  Dan once told me that I read too much fanfiction and that it was affecting how I looked at people, and I must admit, it is changing how I view things.  But whereas Dan was viewing it as a bad thing, I'm thinking it's actually both a good and bad thing.  It's bad because, well, there's something really random and potentially creepy about these thoughts.  But it's also good because it allows me to take another angle at the people in my life.  It gives me a way of analyzing them but in a more creative way.  If that makes any sense.  Possibly this is one of those things that makes sense only to me, like my surreal poetry.  
And I think we should all be grateful that story was G rated.  I think we all know I'm capable of writing stories that are totally not.