Bursting my Bubble

One of the things I'm trying to make a better effort with these days is my stress level.  I've been pretty good, but I've been trying to schedule in various relaxing events. 
One of them are regular bubble baths.  I've been trying out this chamomile and lavender bubble bath.  I totally smell the chamomile but not the lavender. 
Anyway, I tried very hard to sit in the tub and read for an hour, but I kept getting cold, and I am loathe to run more hot water, as lots of water seems like a waste.  But I did, twice.  And was still cold. 
I knew why: I had stupidly left the window in the next room open, and it must have been colder outside than I realized.  A gust of air would come in under the door and lift the ceiling panels upwards, and then they'd come crashing down, rattling.  Sometimes it would be very loud.  As I sat there, I watched a bit of black fuzz come down from the ceiling panel and land gently on the floor. 
"That can't be good," I thought. 
I'm still on the fence if I am going to continue this experiment. 

Success (Sort of)

Okay, so after less than an hour of working around stuff, I have created a new layout.
There I was, cursing my self for not going to a better school with computer classes on HTML design. I was annoyed that Google, who owns Blogger, has help pages with links that don't go anywhere. You click on a link and you get a "this page doesn't exist" message. Then there is a page with the details I needed to hear but none of the helpful bits where it tells you how to get to that program. Tres annoying.
Finally, I found the Blogger Template Design, which is this big fancy program that lets me pick the layout and background and color and, most important of all, the width of the page, which is exactly what I wanted to fix so I could post YouTube videos without them looking strangely cut off. My previous layout (Son of Moto, what-what!) was not having any of it. It apparently can't be messed with in the layout designer. Which made me wonder what the heck is going on. They design a fancy program to make layout design easier for us Luddites to figure out but doesn't allow us to play with the even easy pick and choose layouts? Hmmm...
There was something about making this new layout that felt very Frankensteiny. I felt like I was creating a monster. A green monster that was giving me a headache. So long as it doesn't kill the love of my life, read Paradise Lost or run off into the wilderness as I'm dying on a ship, I guess I'm good.
Which segways into my next thought: does this layout give anyone a headache? It's giving me a headache, but that could be the stress and irritation that comes with technology.

Research Paper

Today's stress happens to be in part because of one of my history classes. We were supposed to turn in a proposal for a research project. The first time I went to see the professor over an idea I had, he said it was fine. Then the next day he complained about the topic to the rest of the class, not mentioning my name or anything, just complaining. Okay. So then I got worried that he wouldn't be fair grading it, because my experience has been that professors do not always grade as partially as they're supposed to. I wanted to do a queer reading of King Lear once. Professor was completely against it. I did it, and I got an okay grade. I should have found something better to talk about.
So, last week, talking with Kelly, I came up with another idea. Did a little research, tweaked the idea, and submitted it yesterday. Today, he sends me an email saying it's a great idea and then suggests a couple of other books to help with the research.
I guess I should be happy he's enthusiastic, but I'm not. All I can think of is that I basically let him dictate to me. I feel like I've been manipulated, even though I've been fully aware of it the entire time. Mostly, I wish he hadn't commented on it at all.

The Romantic Life

Last night, I was at a poetry reading and ran into my friend Mandy. While we were talking, she said "your life is so romantic!"
Huh?
That's not how I see my life at all. I mean, for the most part, I like my life. I feel like I'm doing important things and I'm, within reason, generally pretty happy. But I've never seen my life as romantic. It just kind of is. When I imagine a romantic life, I imagine that would mean being rich and famous and wealthy and talented. I wouldn't mind being some of those things, but right now, what I have is what everyone needs: purpose, support and freedom. And I'm really grateful.
Everything I have in my life is the result of hard work. Sometimes, I think that hard work isn't obvious to everyone around, because I don't think a lot about it and I don't really talk about it because that's considered a faux pas. I think sometimes everyone just sees my smiling face and don't realize that some days I'm actually miserable, but I smile and try to be cheerful because I don't want to bring my friends down. I'm stressed all the time, and I don't like it, but that's the price we pay when we're perusing something we believe in.
I don't usually think of my life as being inherently better than other's. There are some people in my life who I believe I am happier than, but not everyone. In fact, I would say that the majority of people in my life are at about the same level of happiness.
Maybe I should just be grateful someone near me thinks there's something admirable about me. Even if I kind of disagree.